SURVIVING ANOTHER WEEK
by hansoc1
Summary: Benson and Barba interactions as they move from friendship to something more. Chapter One is set in a bar at the end of the week. My first fic ever and I've tried to be true to these two characters. Please let me know if you want to read more or have any criticisms. RATING CHANGE FROM CHAPTER 9 - JUST TO BE SAFE
1. Chapter 1

'Sometimes I wonder why I do this job,' Benson sighed as she took a sip of her drink.

Barba, about to take a sip of his own, was taken aback, 'There are no winners here.' He held her gaze and she nodded. She knew that.

'So what are we drinking to then, Barba?' Benson asked with her glass half-heartily raised.

Barba couldn't help a small smile creeping across his face. The bar was dimly lit enough she may not have seen it.

' _To friends?'_ he thought.

'Surviving another week,' he said.

Benson smiled and nodded while she tapped her glass against his.

They sat in comfortable silence for a moment. Losing their thoughts in the quiet hum of late night drinkers.

She broke the silence, 'We don't have a lot to say to each other, counsellor.'

Barba chuckled, 'Don't we?'

Benson smiled sadly and looked down, 'But for some reason we are always the last to leave.'

'That's because I know what you're thinking just from looking at you,' Barba stated with a grin and a swig of his drink.

Benson was surprised by Barba's response but didn't show it. She looked straight at him, not blinking, 'I know.'

Both felt the conversation change. Benson felt nervous all of a sudden. Barba is tried desperately to assess the situation quickly.

He boldly shifted his free hand across the table and lay it gently over hers, 'You do an incredible job, Liv.'

Benson, taken aback, withdrew her hand slowly, 'Barba…'

'I'm sorry,' Barba startled, withdrawing his hand and pushing his glass aside. He felt his cheeks begin to burn. Wrong move. He suddenly became self-conscious.

'With you Lieutenant,' he chuckles, trying to lighten the conversation, 'contrary to my experience with the fairer sex, what you see is what you get.'

Benson laughs, 'Can't say the same for you, Barba.'

He takes her at her word on this one, 'Really?' he asks seriously.

'Ah, c'mon. There is _Assistant District Attorney Rafael Barba,'_ she teased his title with a serious tone, 'and then there's just…Barba.' She wasn't explaining herself well and she knew it.

He leaned into her, possibly slightly drunk, 'Only you see just…Barba.'

She was flustered. Unsure. Reaching behind her chair and grasping her coat, she turned to him, 'I need some air. Walk?'

He nodded while reaching for his wallet.


	2. Chapter 2

**Thank you for your reviews and favourites kind people. Chapter Two is set in Benson's office.**

'I'm not trying to burn you here, Barba,' Benson said stepping aside to allow him into her office.

Barba was not happy. 'Really? Because it seems every move your squad makes in this case is pouring fuel on this fire.'

Benson sighed at his melodramatics, 'Okay, let's just calm down…'

'Easy for you to say,' Barba snapped back, 'you're not facing the firing squad tomorrow morning.'

She took a deep breath at this point, walking over to her desk, 'why does it become personal between us?'

'I haven't made it personal,' Barba stated. She gave him 'the look' in response. A look he had become familiar with over years of working together.

He walked towards the desk, 'I'm sorry, you're right. It's late. I should be home.'

'With a stiff drink?' Benson queried with her eyebrows raised.

Barba ran his hands over his face and paused, 'I drink too much.'

'Yeah, well, we all need some way to cope with this job,' she said with her head down slightly gripping the back of the chair.

By the time Benson looked up she noticed Barba looking straight at her with weary eyes. It took her by surprise. He looked exhausted and completely defeated.

'Hey…' she began gently but was interrupted.

'How do you cope?' he asked, intentionally not breaking eye contact with her. It was in that moment he felt like she was the only one who could possibly understand.

Benson swallowed hard, fighting back the swell of tears with a laugh, 'I don't really…I mean…Noah keeps my head straight but…'

Barba nodded, looking to the floor.

'It's night that does it to me,' she continued, 'when Noah's down and it's just me and I just think…you know…'

'I'm lonely,' Barba interjected. It was followed by silence. Benson wasn't sure if he was finishing her sentence for her or talking about himself. She judged by the look on his face it was the latter.

Benson stepped around her desk closer to him, 'Hey, we are not alone. I have you, you have me. We have a squad behind us and yes, they are your squad too.' She squinted her eyes slightly while nodding. He saw the sincerity.

'Yes, well Lieutenant, if I survive this case, you will be blessed with my presence for a while longer,' he smiled at her rather cocky and bumped shoulders with her.

'Good,' she replied turning around to pick up her handbag, 'Because sometimes, Rafael Barba, you are what makes this job…well, bearable.' Turning back something came over her.

Slowly, standing face to face with him, she leaned in and gently wrapped her arms around him. Barba, although surprised, responded bringing her into a hug.

Empty squad room. Dimly-lit office. Just them. They stood for a moment in the embrace. Both feeling nervous in this new territory.

Barba pulled away first, just enough to look at her face. She raised her hand to stroke his cheek.

'Hungry?' he suggested before her hand reached his face. As much as he wanted her comfort, he needed to stay in control – set the tone. The longing was a constant ache. He knew how he felt about her but he was frightened. They worked together.

' _Why is this so hard?'_ he thought to himself.

 **Again, thank you for reading. Please let me know if there is something I need to do differently or just thoughts. Next chapter will be a big step for these two.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Thank you all for your kind feedback. Chapter Three focuses on Benson's perspective and by request, this chapter is longer. I have brought Tucker in at the beginning solely to prompt Benson and have tried my best to stay true to him as with all the characters. This chapter was a challenge but I have done my very best. Please continue to let me know what you think!**

'Barba is a bit of an arrogant prick,' Tucker said without hesitation, flicking off the speaker in the interrogation viewing room.

'You don't know him,' Benson defended a little too quickly. She realised how it sounded. 'Barba is _very_ good at his job,' she continued.

'I'm sorry. I mean, I know you two are…well, close,' he said quietly, leaning into her slightly.

Benson could sense where this was going. Fast. 'You always did have your ear to the ground, didn't you, Tucker?'

Tucker had known Benson for years. Years of investigation, tension and discipline. He could read her.

'Staying professional in this job is how we survive it. We let our emotions in…taking things home…' Tucker avoided eye contact as his voice faded.

Her mouth opened in disbelief. _'He thinks we are together. Romantically,'_ she thinks. Her cheeks begin to heat themselves with embarrassment. She fakes a laugh and turns away momentarily.

'I assure you, _every_ interaction I have had with ADA Barba has been nothing short of professional,' she emphasised as if to convince herself.

' _Have we been professional? Do colleagues interact like we do?'_ Her mind wanders, accepting her track record of emotional attachment wasn't the best.

Tucker stares at her. Unconvinced. He takes a deep breath, 'Okay, Lieutenant. Just remember, you make your bed, you sleep in it.' He turns and walks towards the door. Benson finds herself standing there, shaking her head.

Barba walks in, squeezing past Tucker as he exits.

'Everything okay?' he asks jumping his eyes between her and the door a few times.

A sigh left her, 'Yeah…everything…' she steps closer to him at this point, 'Tucker thinks we are…a _thing_.' She emphasised the last word. Not that Barba required the prompting.

He stared at her blankly for a moment before responding. 'What? There I was thinking he might have a life,' he mumbled.

Benson ran a hand through her hair to give her a moment to compose herself. 'Yeah, Barba, we should probably talk about us…'

'Us?' Barba was as quick to respond as he was quick to turn and check the door was closed.

'Y'know, Barba, he might have a point, I mean, people must be talking if he has jumped to that conclusion…'

'That's because talking is all people seem to do around here,' he huffed.

'Barba.' Benson found keeping Barba focused was a common task.

'Sorry,' he shot back immediately.

Benson knew things had been awkward between them for a while. To make things worse, none of them would dare bringing up a discussion on where they stood. She was conflicted. There was nothing to lose but a lot to lose at the same time. Her physical attraction to him had been instantaneous. Emotional attraction and the upmost respect for him had come later.

'Look, this isn't the time or place but we need to talk,' Benson looked at him sincerely, trying to get through to him.

His response was a sad sigh as if he was anticipating rejection from her. 'Yes,' he nodded.

' _He thinks I'm drawing a clear line between us,'_ she thought, _'no, no, no'._

'Listen, Barba, I want this – us. But…' she sighed nervously, 'I'm afraid…' she explained trying to read where he was at. Quickly.

Barba smiled sweetly. She had never seen him smile like that. 'We need to…' he began.

The door opened and Carisi's head popped around, 'Lieutenant? Was looking for you…' he paused mid-sentence looking at them both, 'am I interrupting?'

'No,' they both replied in unison.

'Coming, Carisi,' Benson replied straight after.

She walked towards the door after him, turned to face Barba and mouthed _'call me,'_ before following Carisi out. As Benson walked out back into the hum of the squad room she instinctively straightened her suit jacket – as if to switch herself back to work.

'Hey,' a distinctive voice greeted her on the phone.

'Counsellor, fancy you calling at this time,' Benson chuckled, trying to keep things light. Somehow Barba called her at the perfect time: not too early that she'd be busy with Noah and not too late to keep her waiting.

He jumped straight in, 'Did you mean what you said today? About wanting this…us.'

Benson paused, taking a sip of her wine. She felt all nervous and funny. Good funny. Once she knew Barba felt the same, it was all about timing. She didn't want to move fast and screw this up.

'I did,' she replied seriously, 'I don't know how we would even make it work but…'

'I want it too, Liv,' he interjected.

Her heart pounded. _'He just called me Liv. I mean, he's calls me that sometimes but…'_ her mind raced.

'You alright?' his voice soothed, shaking slightly with nervousness.

'Yeah,' Benson sighed before taking a more serious tone, 'I just want you to know…if we…' she couldn't gather her words. Barba was quiet on the line. 'I want you to know, for me, this isn't an emotional crutch or a way of dealing with a stressful job, this is…y'know…real.'

'Same,' was all Barba could reply with initially.

Benson nodded even though they were talking on the phone.

He continued slowly and gently, 'It's complicated, I know. We'll take it slow, Liv. Nice and slow.' Her heart fluttered with his gentleness – a side of Barba no one else saw.

'I don't even know where to begin,' Benson admitted.

'How about…' Barba suggested, 'How about you come to my place for dinner tomorrow night? I will cook you a meal. And yes, I have used my kitchen before,' he chuckled.

Benson laughed, 'That sounds perfect, Barba.'


	4. Chapter 4

**Thank you everyone for your kind reviews, it's great to hear your thoughts. Apologies for the erratic updating as I am in the middle of my law degree. Chapter Four is set at Barba's place and once again, from Benson's perspective. Please let me know what you think.**

The scent of wood filled the air with subtle smokiness of what was cooking in the kitchen. Comfort.

Benson stood at the entrance of Barba's apartment not quite believing this was his home. It was an open plan loft, stylishly decorated but minimalistic in a comforting way. Shadows from the gas fire flickered across the dimly lit room.

She suddenly felt him begin helping her take of her coat and carefully hang it on the free standing coat stand. _'He is being so sweet,'_ she thought, trying to calm her nerves.

Barba looked relaxed though. At home. Wearing an off-white dress shirt with rolled sleeves emphasised his golden olive complexion. His hair was soft. No product. _'He must of showered,'_ she thought.

He smiled at her, 'Make yourself at home.'

Benson followed him back into the kitchen. 'Nice place, Barba,' she complemented, 'I mean, nice to not step on LEGO pieces.'

Barba chuckled. He seemed confident. Benson could tell.

'Done this before, Counsellor?' she teased.

He was busy stirring a pot, 'What? Cook fresh seafood?

Benson laughed and gestured around the room, 'All this.'

There was a pause.

Barba placed the spoon onto the countertop and turned to her with a smirk, 'Are you asking me if I've entertained a woman for dinner here?'

All she could do was raise her eyebrows.

He scoffed, 'god, no.'

Benson was surprised.

'Wait, do you like seafood?' he asked, clearly worried.

 **Dinner**

Conversation was light. Not case related although their colleagues came up in conversation. Benson felt herself unwind. Barba was attentive and chatty. Neither even considered the possible future problems or consequences. It was bliss.

Barba got up and begun clearing their plates.

'Dinner was delicious, thank you,' Benson said, 'I am so full.'

He chuckled while walking over to the kitchen, 'Well, you better make room because I made dessert.'

Benson was surprised at the effort put into this meal. It made him so attractive right now.

'Really?' she asked.

He placed the dishes in the sink and turned to her, 'Honestly? No.'

She shook her head and smiled, allowing her hair to fall down in front of her face.

Barba strolled very intentionally over to the door and grabbed their coats.

Benson gave him a confused look.

'I know a place that serves cheesecake fresh from heaven's holy kitchen,' he stated with a very serious face.

 **Dessert**

The restaurant was expensive. Probably why it was quiet, Benson observed. The soothing sound of jazz danced in the background as they indulged themselves in the rich dessert.

Once they began drinking, the conversation became fluid. Flowing from food to sports to music tastes. She took his hand. A bold move. He held it.

She tucked her hair behind her ear and smiled at him with a tinge of sadness, 'I don't want this night to end, it's…'

'Perfect,' he finished.

She suddenly felt shy, withdrawing her hand and smiling into her lap. He saw her hesitancy. Reaching out, he stroked her cheek ever so gently. She could feel his hand shaking. This was their first intimate contact and he was nervous. They both were.

Benson responded by placing a hand over his, on her cheek. She gently pulled his back so she could place a soft kiss on his palm. Skin so soft. Looking up into his eyes she saw them dilate as he smiled at her.

'Liv…' was all Barba could say. They just smiled at each other for a moment.

'Rafael is too weird for me to say,' she broke the silence with.

They both laughed. It was true. They both knew it.

'So, _Barba_ , are we splitting the cheque?' she asked, anticipating his response.

He stood up shaking his head, 'You can pay quarter of the bill considering I ate all of mine and half of yours.'

'Such a gentleman,' she teased while allowing him to put on her coat.

'Always, Lieutenant,' Barba responded. He dropped more than enough for the bill and tip on the table and before she could argue, took a firm grip of her hand leading her out of the restaurant.


	5. Chapter 5

**Thank you all for being so kind in your responses to this. Chapter Five is another big step for these two. Shout out to those struggling with recent SVU episodes (I promise no spoilers). I know it's hard when we invest in these characters.**

 **Just some notes on your reviews:**

 **I agree with you guys in seeing this relationship 'blossom' slowly rather than being a 'jump'.**

 **Carisi is a gem and is back again. Enjoy.**

 **Squad room**

'So basically, the lecturer introduces this legal case of a failed vasectomy, right? And this kid puts his hand up and asks…'

'Carisi,' Benson interrupted, 'It's too early in the morning to hear a story with that word in it.'

Rollins laughed as she stirred her coffee.

'Since none of actually slept does…' Carisi began.

Benson gave him a look.

'Copy that, Lieutenant,' he nodded.

Rollins looked around, 'is Barba here yet?'

'I rung him on the way in, so he should be here soon,' Benson replied before heading to her office.

'Hey,' Carisi leaned towards Rollins, 'do you think there's something…the Lieutenant and the Counsellor…'

Rollins rolled her eyes and turned to walk towards her desk.

'Word of advice, Carisi,' Rollins replied in a quieter tone, 'Don't read into too much around here.'

'AH, rushed off your feet as usual, detectives' Barba said sarcastically strolling past with coffee in hand towards Benson's office.

Both of them watched him walk into her office. Carisi turned to her, 'Y'know, I read it's not uncommon for colleagues in high stress jobs to…y'know…'

'Seriously, Carisi, you read too much,' Rollins shook her head.

 **Benson's office**

'Hey, sorry it's an early start…' Benson began.

'The early bird finds the night's victims,' Barba said before taking a sip of his coffee.

He checked her door was shut before leaning towards her, 'hey, I've missed you, Lieutenant. Is it bad part of me looks forward to a case with SVU?'

Barba smiled thinking back to last week. His and Benson's first date. His place. Dinner. Cheesecake. Late night movie. They parted ways at the door of her apartment. He was deliberately taking things slow. It was the only way they could do this.

She smiled back at him, 'I miss you too,' she sighed picking up a folder, 'but this is a rough one,' she said passing it to him.

 **Squad room – later that day**

' _Barba and Dodds are taking a long time with this witness,'_ Benson thought, taking out her phone to ring one of them. They had gone to talk him through the process of testifying.

'Lieutenant,' Rollins interrupted, standing at Benson's office door. She looked up to see the wide eyed detective.

'A bus was just dispatched to the witness address, gunfire, someone got hit,' Rollins spoke quickly.

Benson stood up and rushed to the door, 'Who?' she demanded.

Rollins followed after her trying to keep up, 'I don't know, Dodds made the call so it's either the witness or…'

'Barba,' Benson whispered.

 **Emergency room**

'Lieutenant Benson SVU,' she flashed her badge. The nurse couldn't respond before Benson saw Barba down the corridor. She rushed to him. He had blood on his shirt.

'Are you okay?' she asked desperately, checking over him and raising a hand to his cheek.

He nodded and smiled briefly, glad to see her. 'Yeah, Dodds and I are fine. Someone tried to take out our witness – he's in surgery.'

Benson sighed, 'I'm so glad you're okay. When Rollins told me someone was hit…'

'She's going to be disappointed it wasn't me,' he muttered with a small smile.

Barba noticed tears forming in her eyes. He had given her a decent fright. He was in shock himself.

'Don't ever scare me like that again, Counsellor,' she said sternly but a shakiness to her voice.

Their eyes met.

 **Benson's apartment**

Benson got off the phone and turned to Barba, 'So they're combing through CTV footage in the area still.'

Barba nodded. Benson just stood there watching him.

'Barba…' she whispered with tears in her eyes.

'Hey,' he stood up and walked towards her, 'I'm perfectly safe,' he soothed, pulling her into a hug.

Pulling apart slightly to look at each other, Barba was nervous. He did it anyway. Leaning in. The temperature of the room changed. Benson's lips trembled as their faces drew closer. Her eyes slipped closed when his lips touched hers.

' _This is it,'_ she thought, slightly light headed. He leaned into her. She took a small step back, bumping into the coffee table. They broke apart.

'I'm sorry,' Barba fumbled backwards. Benson could see his hesitancy. It had been the first time they kissed. And it took both of them by surprise.

'It's okay,' she chuckled, turning to pick up the coaster that had fallen to the floor.

'It's been an emotional day,' he admitted, walking towards the kitchen for some water, she presumed. He didn't. He was just putting distance between them.

' _Does he regret?'_ her mind worried. She shifted from foot to foot, uncertain in the silence.

Barba saw what she wanted right now. What she needed right now. He stared at her up and down for a moment before moving intentionally towards her.

Benson had no time to react before his hands were on her face, pulling her mouth to his. She sighed. Relief. Everything they had been holding in for so long was released. He held her gently and made slow movements. It wasn't that she was fragile. Not at all. He knew she was the strong, bold NYPD Lieutenant. But he also knew she needed tenderness right now.

 **Any ideas for the next chapter? I have some but would love to hear your thoughts of what next for these two.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six is set at Benson's apartment at the end of the week. Thank you all for your reviews. Quick little chapter for the weekend.**

Barba, we can't,' Benson hissed at him, 'Noah is asleep in the next room.'

'Why are you whispering?' he replied rather loudly, flipping a tequila bottle in his hand.

She sighed and shook her head, 'Barba…'. Noah had been put to bed and Barba just finished the dishes. They were standing in the kitchen.

'I'm not loud when I…ooh…' he stopped and his eyes widened, 'are you a loud drinker?'

'Barba, I'm not playing a drinking game with you,' she said authoritatively.

 **Ten minutes later**

'So how does this game work, Counsellor?' she asked, making herself comfortable on the couch with a blanket.

Barba was filling up her miss-matched shot glasses in a row on the coffee table. She watched him. Shirt collar open, sleeves rolled with suspenders hanging down his sides. What company to have at the close of the week.

'So,' he began, pulling out a pack of cards 'each shot glass has a number which corresponds to…'

Benson reached forward, picked up the closest shot and downed it in one quick motion.

Barba just stood there, bottle and cards still in hand. Surprised.

'I'm not very good at following rules,' she stated, placing the empty glass back on the table.

He laughed and sat down next to her on the couch, 'Yes, I know that, Lieutenant.'

She was going to take him at his word of that one. Smirking, she turned to him, 'I infuriate you, don't I? How I do my job.'

'Yes, you do,' he admitted, 'but I trust you. Probably more than anyone…' his voice faded.

Benson caught his eye, 'I trust you more than I trust myself sometimes,' she said.

Barba smiled and nodded. He turned then, and took a shot from his side of the table.

Benson thought on the spot – to lighten the mood. 'New game. You have ten seconds to say something annoying about me or take another shot,' she instructed.

He rose his eyebrows. He hadn't seen very much of Benson's playful side. It was mysterious and unpredictable. Although she portrayed a tough, strong exterior, there was a Benson that wanted to let her hair down. It only required prompting.

He checked with her. She smiled and nodded at him.

'You bring me shaky cases,'

'You don't let people get a word in,' she shot back.

'You bring me the worst witnesses,'

'You are stubborn and arrogant,' she replied, nodding.

Barba winced at that one with a smile on his face. And paused, just looking at her. She held his eye for a few more seconds before pointing to the table.

'Take a shot,' she instructed chuckling. He sighed and obliged.

Once Barba placed the empty glass on the table, he turned to her on the couch, 'You are beautiful,' he said firmly.

Benson was taken aback. 'Barba…' she felt herself going red.

He leaned over and took another shot. It burned the back of his throat. He was just warming up.

'You are damn good at your job,' he said picking up another.

'Barba,' she warned him, chuckling, 'You're not playing by the rules.'

He leaned over her. Their faces were mere inches apart. Her heart started pounding at how close he was.

'I'm not very good at following rules,' he smirked before sitting back and taking the shot.

She was buzzing. Alcohol and her hadn't been together in a while. She felt good.

He put down the shot glass and looked at his watch.

'Do you want to stay?' she asked quietly. Embarrassed for asking. Alcohol had confidence of its own.

'Yeah…I'm mean, if that's alright. It's nice having company. Somehow drinking alone feels like a defeat,' he chuckled, standing up to get something lighter to drink from her fridge.

' _He missed it,'_ she thought to herself. _'I just asked him to stay the night and he didn't get it.'_

Part of her was disappointed. Part of her found it cute.

'Liv, do you want anything?' his voice penetrated her thoughts.

' _You,'_ she thought to herself.

'Can you bring over the cookie jar? It's on the counter,' she called out to him.

'Cookies…' he mumbled to himself, grabbing the jar. 'Maybe you're right about the drinking game. Want to watch a movie?' he suggested, walking over to her.

Benson smiled and nodded at him.

 **Chapter Seven will be another step for these two. Their relationship will go public.**


	7. Chapter 7

Barba's face lit up when he saw Benson enter the double doors of the diner. Hands in her jacket pockets. She flashed him a smile strolling up to the counter and speaking briefly with the waitress before strolling towards his booth.

He stood up and placed a soft kiss on her lips. They were soft with a hint of peppermint. Her lip balm was peppermint flavoured.

'So I explained our situation to my boss today…' Barba began as they took seats opposite each other. They both had no pressing case and were enjoying an early dinner.

'You did?' Benson replied nervously.

He continued, 'I said this was no fling, we are very close and beginning a relationship.' He placed his hand on her forearm to reassure her.

'What did he say?' she responded impatiently. He could tell.

' _Just get to the point,'_ he told himself.

'An official note of disclosure was made to the office and as long as we remain professional, there will just be an eye on us at this point. I know it's complicated and not exactly…'

'Its worth it, Barba.' She interrupted with a sincere smile. He nodded. She was worth it.

'So,' he began, taking her hand, 'I am celebrating with the waffle special.'

'Seriously, Barba?' she laughed slightly annoyed, 'It's dinner.'

He nodded seriously, 'Yeah, I know but I had a craving.'

She gripped his hand and leaned in, 'I told the waitress to just get me whatever you ordered.'

Barba chuckled. He looked down at their hands and intertwined his fingers with hers, 'Do you want me to get you something else?'

'Ah, it's okay, Barba. I will indulge in dinner waffles with you. However, only…,' she paused for emphasis, 'if you don't mention this to my son.'

'Deal.'

'I like your tie today,' she complemented.

'Thank you. I only changed it two times this morning.'

She smiled ear to ear on hearing that response. He loved it when she smiled. Even more when he could make her smile like that. The clattering of plates and hum of chatter in the diner were drowned out by each other. Whether it was a busy courthouse or a chaotic squad room, when they spoke, everything was background noise.

'Do your people know?' he inquired. Barba was still uncomfortable sharing his personal life with people. He had always been reserved in that respect.

Benson stroked slow circles with her thumb over his hand as she spoke, 'Well, Tucker assumed, Carisi knew before we knew ourselves, Rollins doesn't really care, Dodds is oblivious and Finn…well, Finn is probably going to kill me when he finds out.'

Barba couldn't help a laugh slip at the end.

Their plates arrived. Waffles. Barba placed a napkin on his lap prompting teasing from Benson. She couldn't help it. They ate in comfortable silence.

'How's your boy?' Barba asked between bites. He loved the way her face lit up when asked about him.

'He's great. I got to spend most of the day with him,' she chuckled before continuing, 'there was a balloon animal stand at the park and just stood there staring at the man making them for like, ten minutes straight.'

Barba laughed wiping his face with a napkin, 'He must be tired tonight.'

'He was out before I left. Didn't even wake when Lucy arrived.'

Barba shook his head in disbelief, 'I don't know how you do it, Liv. Lieutenant of SVU and single mother.'

He stopped. He had called her a _single_ mother. He didn't think. It was all new. What does that even mean?

Benson was avoiding his eyes.

'Liv, I didn't mean…'

She made eye contact and grabbed his hand, 'Barba, it's okay, I know what you meant.'

'I'm just…taking things slow. This is all new and I want my presence in your boy's life to be intentional. Do you…know what I mean?'

Benson couldn't believe what Barba was saying – how sweet and careful he was with her and Noah. 'I do,' was all she could reply. She would be lying if she said she wanted to take this quicker, hold him every way she could and make plans together. He was right though. As always.

Barba wanted to throw everyone out of the diner. He wished they were alone. He always wished they were alone. Glancing outside, he observed the bustling sidewalk as the beginnings of evening rainfall brought a certain panic.

Slapping notes on the table, he stood abruptly, gripped her hand and led her out of the diner. As the cold winter air hit them with rain, Benson slipped linked her arm with his. He pulled her in closer as they navigated the sidewalk.

He slowed. With his free arm he reached over, pulling her head down gently to place a kiss on her forehead. Never had he ever done that to a woman. Let alone in public.

' _Olivia Benson, eh,'_ he thought to himself, _'she's got me.'_


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you everyone for your reviews – it's what keeps me writing!**

 **Courthouse Side room**

'Barba, every word you say to her she's practically sitting there falling in love with you,'

'What? God…' Barba muttered reaching for a coffee cup, 'Not again…'

'What?' Benson shot back without thinking. _'This has happened before?'_ Her instinctive jealousy taking over briefly.

'Okay, so she's getting a little attached but we just need to get her through testifying,' Rollins chipped in.

Carisi leaned in with his far too familiar hand gestures, 'This woman was with this guy ten years, since she was nineteen. He controlled every move she made since. He's emotionally cold…'

'And I'm what? Warm?' Barba sarcastically replied while pouring his third coffee for the day.

'My guess, daddy issues' Finn said.

Barba shot him a look, 'thanks, remind me why the whole squad is here?'

Benson rolled her eyes, 'That's not the point. She has a connection to you. An emotional one.'

'I haven't encouraged her. At all.' Barba reassured, eyeing everyone in the room. 'But if I distance myself too much…she could shut down on that stand.'

A collective 'sigh' came across the room. He was right.

'Okay,' Benson instructed, 'Carisi, Rollins, you two go make sure she's ready so she'll only see Barba in court.'

Finn followed them out, 'Is there any decent food 'round here?'

Benson closed the door behind them and turned to Barba, 'So this happens a lot?' she asked, raising her eyebrows.

Barba rolled his eyes and shook his head collecting papers into his folder. He couldn't tell whether she was jealous or teasing him. He guessed the latter.

'I'm sorry, how many men have hit on you in interrogation?' he quipped, closing the distance between them.

'And not just men, Counsellor.' She shot back to his surprise.

'Well, I mean, you are…somewhat attractive for a cop,' he said rather cautiously. They had agreed to act professional at work.

'And you are somewhat attractive for an ADA,' she flirted back, approving where the conversation was heading, 'Which is probably why young women _cling_ ,' she emphasised the last word.

'And here I was thinking it's my warm disposition,' he replied seriously, running his hand up her arm to rest on her shoulder, 'poor thing doesn't even know what a healthy relationship is.'

Benson was distracted by his touch. It was hard to wait for the end of the day when they worked cases.

'We better get back out there,' she whispered to him.

He nodded. Gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze. She reached up and adjusted his tie slightly. It didn't really need adjusting. Just an excuse.

They released each other, dropped smiles and strolled out of the room to the bustling corridor. Back to work.

 **Courtroom**

Barba took a deep breath and took a large gulp of water. The defence was questioning his witness – the defendant's emotionally unstable ex-girlfriend.

Poised, ready for objection, he sat there, enduring the defence's twists and tactics. She wasn't taking it well on the stand. Flustered. Confused.

'Rafael Barba,' her voice broke across the courtroom. His head shot up, staring at her.

'Rafael, please help me, he's making up…' she pleaded. Barba was both yelling and praying internally for the woman to pull herself together. She couldn't call him by his first name in front of the jury.

'Witness will answer the defence's question,' the judge interrupted rather sternly.

She looked to Barba. He met her eyes and nodded reassuringly, trying hard not to show any sign of frustration toward her.

Barba turned slightly to his left to exchange a look with Benson.

'Rafael,' she whispered.

'Your Honour,' Barba stood quickly, 'May we have a five-minute recess?'

'The witness has not answered the question yet, your Honour,' the defence quickly chipped in.

The judge nodded, 'Witness will answer the question and then you may have a recess.'

The defence sighed, 'That's okay, your Honour. Let the jury know the witness was unable to answer. No further questions.'

 **Courthouse Side Room**

'I'm sorry, Rafael, I didn't mean to upset you,' the woman pleaded.

'You cannot call him by his first name, he is Mr Barba,' Benson said to her rather loud and sternly.

The woman winced slightly and took a step towards Barba, 'Does she have to be here?'

Barba instinctively took a step away from her behind the desk. 'Yes. And she is right. Calling out to me on the stand like you did almost threw this case completely, if it hasn't already,' he replied, gripping his folder.

 **Courthouse steps**

'Good job, Counsellor,' Carisi said, bumping shoulders with Barba.

Barba nodded, 'Despite our shaky testimonies I knew they had to see him for who he truly is.'

Rollins and Benson came out of the courthouse with the woman. She rushed towards Barba. Anticipating, Carisi took a step in front him, trying to block her, 'I think it's time to go home,' he said.

Rollins took her arm and guided her aside with Carisi's help. They both watched her.

Turning, Benson placed a hand on his back, 'Good job in there.'

He nodded and smiled at her. Relief washed over him. Reaching out, with brief case still in hand, he took her hand gently, 'Drink tonight?' he smirked.

The woman had been watching this exchange. She looked crushed.

'Is ADA Barba with Lieutenant Benson?' she stuttered.

'It's been a long day sweetheart, let's get you home,' Rollins reassured, pulling her away.

Carisi nodded and flashed a final look at Benson and Barba before walking down the steps.

 **Thank you for reading. Please note there will be a rating change for next chapter.**


	9. Chapter 9

**Please note rating change – just to be safe. Just because it's the weekend, a bit of fluff. A bit of fun. Enjoy. Please let me know what you think. I was in a weird mood when I wrote this.**

Barba stepped out of the shower, reaching for a towel. There was none.

He muttered a swear word under his breath.

Benson's bathroom was a pleasant change to his. Baby shampoo and lavender hung in the air. A handful of bath toys were carefully stacked on the shelf next to a vase of flowers.

' _Who has flowers in their bathroom?'_ he thought to himself, standing there, dripping on the floor.

He opened the door a crack, 'Hey, Liv,' he called out, 'got a towel?'

'Where do you think you are, Counsellor, the Ritz?' she called out sarcastically.

'Even Sunshine Inn off the motorway provides a towel,' he replied cheekily with a laugh.

Her voice became more distant as she retrieved a towel from the hallway closet, 'I don't even want to know how you know that. Besides, you could shower at home.'

'With the traffic? By the time I got back I'd need another one…' he called out.

Noah called out from his bedroom. Benson threw the towel onto the couch and called out, 'Noah wants me, the towel is on the couch. The shower head is a little difficult to adjust by the way…' she said walking off to Noah.

' _She thinks I haven't had my shower yet,'_ he shivered, _'how could she not hear it?'_ Beginning to feel cold by this point and debating options in his mind, he just went for it. Walking out from the bathroom, he quickly moved into the lounge and leaned down to pick up the towel.

Just as he stood up, Benson flew around the corner. In that split second he realised she was cooking in the kitchen. She had something on the stove that needed attention.

Benson's mouth opened and she swung back around so her back was to him. She couldn't see him. She had never seen him. She had just seen him. All of him. Her mind was racing.

Barba quickly wrapped the towel around his waist.

'Oh my God, I am so sorry,' she broke the silence with. Her voice was shaking slightly. Cheeks burning.

' _Why am I apologising?_ ' she thought to herself, _'he's the one naked by my couch.'_

'Yeah…I already had my shower when I asked for a towel…' Barba explained. He wasn't embarrassed. A bit of him did wish this wasn't the first way she saw him though.

'What the hell, Barba?' she shot back trying to pull herself together. Still shocked. The image of him flashed in her mind again. And again.

The pot on the stove was beginning to spill over.

Barba, towel tied around his waist, strolled over to the kitchen to tend to it.

Benson was still standing in the doorway and slowly turned around, 'I'm sorry…' she stuttered, 'you just took me by surprise.'

'Ditto,' he smirked, stirring the pot. They were silent. Awkward. Benson didn't know what to say. She shifted from foot to foot, looking down at the ground deciding whether to continue cooking or…

'I didn't really see anything…' she explained. Making it worse.

Barba was cocky. He knew he was cocky. He turned to her, apologised to her, reached down and untied his towel. It paused momentarily before dropping to the kitchen floor.

Benson just stood there. Wide eyed. Looking him up and down. She couldn't help but laugh. The biggest smile came across her face, 'you're a cocky son of a… but god, you're beautiful,' was all she could say before ducking out of the room. She needed air.

Benson tended to Noah in his room for a few minutes. Mostly to compose herself. It felt strange. Seeing your best friend in that way.

With Noah on her hip, she slowly peered around the door frame to check. Barba was clattering away in the kitchen finishing off dinner for her. He was dressed. Thank goodness. Wearing a baby blue polo, not bothering to adjust the collar, beige pants and socks. She loved it when he dressed casually.

'Hey,' she said, like the last ten minutes never happened.

He smiled at her sweetly before his attention was drawn to Noah, 'Hey big guy. I hope you are hungry – mum has cooked your favourite for us tonight.'

Noah grinned at Barba and reached out to him.

Barba gave Benson a look, 'This is new…'

She gave him a reassuring smile, 'It's okay, take him. That way I can dish up dinner.'

He slowly took Noah from her, being as careful as possible and bringing him close to hold the child securely in his arms. Benson watched out of the corner of her eye while she brought out the plates. She had never seen a man so gentle with a child before.

Barba was whispering to Noah things she couldn't hear quite hear.

'You better not be telling him about the waffles,' she warned.

'No, Lieutenant, I was telling him I saw a fire fighter today AND a fire truck. It was…pretty awesome,' he said turning to the boy and giving him a small wink as carefully put him down.

'Good,' she said, as she began to dish the food up, 'because we had a deal. And if you tell him about the waffles…I'll tell the whole squad about your little… _towel incident_.'

Barba grinned, 'I'm sorry but you can't even blackmail, Liv,' he laughed.

'Your mother then,' Benson shot back to Barba's surprise.

'Okay,' he replied very quickly.

 **Later in the evening**

'He's asleep,' Benson whispered, joining Barba on the couch.

Barba nodded and pulled Benson closer to him. He began stroking her hair back from her gently with his hand.

' _She's so beautiful,'_ he thought to himself as she sighed into him. Body relaxed. He had waited so long for her. So long.

Benson raised her head to his and began kissing him. Slowly but intentionally as she pulled herself up onto her knees – hovering over him.

His hands on her face were soft. Touches light.

A phone went.

She pulled away and held eye contact with him while grabbing her phone from the coffee table. A text from the precinct. She was needed.

Barba sighed.

Benson placed a lingering kiss on his lips before standing up to dial Lucy.

While she arranged details on the phone, he had stood up, planting light kisses on her neck.

Benson ran her hand through his hair as she spoke. Gently massaging his scalp.

Hanging up she sighed, 'Barba, Lucy's going to be here in twenty.'

He suddenly noticed the room was very dark. Only a lamp's glow in the corner.

'Sorry,' he mumbled, still at her neck.

Benson's arms hung over his shoulders. Phone still in hand.

'I gotta go change, B,' she whispered in his ear. He was quiet. For once.

They parted. A whimper at the loss of contact.

'Bad one?' he asked as she walked away.

'Is there any other?'


	10. Chapter 10

**Thank you for your sweet reviews, follows and favourites. It means so much you are enjoying this. This was a challenging chapter to write but I have tried to focus on Barba/Benson interactions. Let me know what you think.**

'There's a bullet with your name on it. You want a deal? You give us the girl.'

'Barba!' Benson hissed.

'I want full immunity…' Andrea yelled back.

'Of course you do,' Barba muttered rolling his eyes.

Benson sighed heavily. She wished she was home, curled up on the couch drinking a glass of wine.

Andrea had shot her ex-husband after losing a long custody battle. It was past midnight. After unsuccessfully kidnapping her four-year-old twins, she was now holding their nanny hostage in an apartment. All she asked for was Lieutenant Benson and a deal. Now they were leaning up against the door supported by the entire cavalry. Snipers were in position.

'I'm not stupid. You screw with me and I swear to god you'll be wiping her blood off the walls!' she yelled.

'Do you think she's high?' Benson mouthed to Barba.

He squinted at her, confused, 'What?' He could never lip read.

Benson rolled her eyes, 'Andrea, there's no need for that. We're not going to screw with you. Just…tell us what you want.'

There was a pause. Whimpering. The nanny was only twenty. She'd been their nanny for three weeks.

'Emily, are you okay?'

'I got my gun to her head. I want full immunity…my boys…I want my boys…' Andrew yelled, her voice cracked.

'Listen to me, Andrea. The only way you're going to see your boys is if you put your gun down and let Emily go. She has nothing to do with this. She's scared.'

Barba just watched and listened to Benson. He had never seen her do this before. Beads of sweat were forming on her brow.

'Andrea, if you let her go now and put your hands up, you'll get to see your boys in prison. If you don't, you will not see them grow up. It's out of my hands then.' Barba had switched to Benson's tone.

Benson nodded at him.

'I don't believe you,' Andrea replied strangely calm.

'Please,' Emily choked, 'I don't want to die alone.'

Benson and Barba drew in breath hearing her fear. She thought she was going to die.

'Emily, listen to me, I'm right here…my name is Olivia and…me and… Rafael are right here. We are not going anywhere. I promise sweetheart.'

Barba was taken aback. She had never referred to him by his first name before. Ever. He knew exactly why she used it though.

There was movement in the room.

A distant siren.

'Get back! I'm going to shoot her in the foot.' Andrea screamed before a shot rang out. An ear piercing scream rang out.

Benson and Barba winced.

'Emily!' Benson desperately. She heard shrieking cries in response through the door.

Benson quickly turned to Barba, 'You need to get out of here, Barba. Now.'

Her instructions were ignored. He took her hand and held on tight. It was damp and shaking slightly.

They stared at each other. She was shocked. He refused to go.

'Emily! Emily! Sweetheart!' Benson's voice broke.

Emily sucked in air, 'She shot me in the foot!'

'And it'll be her head if you guys don't BACK OFF!' Andrea was hysterical.

'It's going to be okay, Emily. It's going to be okay. Take deep breaths. You can do it.' Benson was beginning to feel helpless.

'You need to calm her down or we are taking over,' a voice impatiently instructed from behind Benson and Barba.

'No shit,' Barba whipped sarcastically.

'Andrea,' Benson pleaded placing her hands on the door, 'Emily is a kid. She's hurt. She's so scared. Think of her parents. Think of her parents, Andrea. You are a mother. You know what it feels like…you know what it feels like to have someone take your child.'

 **Short time later**

Benson was angry. Fuming.

'Barba! You cannot just do that!'

'Do what?' he was confused. Andrea broke. Emily was fine. They were in the hospital corridor soon to head home.

'I told you to go. You had to go.'

'I didn't want to leave you,' he explained.

'Barba, this is my job. You can't just…' she choked as tears swelled and began to fall.

'Liv,' he gently held her arm.

She took a step back. 'Don't. If anything happened…you…I would…'

Barba was taken aback. 'You did great, Liv. Emily is fine. It's all over,' He soothed.

She pulled away just as Barba raised his arms to hold her.

'I'm sorry, Barba,' she whispered. Fighting back tears and she left him standing there. He watched her walk away.

Barba stood there. Shocked and confused. Mostly worried about her.

He noticed Fin had strolled up behind him.

'What?' he asked in a mixed tone of pain and annoyance.

'Follow her.'

Barba turned head to look at him. They had not exchanged words very often. It was rare.

Fin stepped closer and lowered his voice, 'She's going to sit in that apartment with a bottle of wine and overthink everything. Look, I've known Liv for a long time. She cares about you a lot. But she also doesn't let people in. You have to go…in.'

 **Benson's apartment**

Barba hesitated before knocking strongly on the door.

He heard shuffling before it opened.

'Hola,' he smiled.

'Barba…'

'Look, I am here to deliver these,' he held out a small box of her favourite chocolates in one hand and a USB in another.

She frowned at the USB, 'What's with the stick?'

He took a step closer before explaining, 'Every season of _Friends_ is on that.'

'It's three in the morning,' she replied. Slightly confused.

'It's not like you're sleeping anytime soon,' he looked her up and down. He was right. It usually took her hours to settle down after such an ordeal. She was in comfortable clothes. Not pyjamas.

Barba was nodding, holding his gifts out, urging her to take them.

Benson paused. Contemplating. She couldn't stay mad at him. She couldn't. A smile spread across her face and she obliged.

He stayed at the door.

'Are you coming in…or…'

'Mmm…depends whether you're willing to share the chocolate,' he smirked as he stepped inside.

Benson closed the door and turned to him, 'How about you get to choose the episode?'

'I'm not bothered which episode we…'

'I'm sorry, Barba,' she blurted out.

'No,' he shot back firmly walking up to her, 'I'm sorry,' he whispered so gently his voice almost faded.

Catching her lips in a tender kiss. Slow. He gently took her bottom lip. She responded. Hands shaking as they raised to stroke his face.

It became more desperate. Quick. Emotional. Dancing tongues and hums.

Her mouth was warm. Her lips were soft. Barba was in awe of her. Everything he had seen her do that night. All he wanted was to show her. To show her how he felt.

Benson broke away. They were both panting. Chests heaving.

'I was…' she stuttered, 'I was scared…for Emily but for you…'

Benson took his head in her hands and forced his eyes to hers.

'Listen, you may be Assistant District Attorney Rafael Barba and be right all the time, but when it comes to that shit, please listen to me. Please,' she both instructed and begged.

Barba nodded. For once, he had no words.

He couldn't believe this woman in front of her. She was strong, fearless and leader of her squad. She was also sensitive, emotional and protective. She cried. She felt. She made him feel.

She made him feel.


	11. Chapter 11

**Wow. The response to these has been amazing. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. Every one of you who has left a review. Thank you. Every one of you who's bothered to read. Thank you.**

Benson stepped into the apartment. One of Adele's soulful ballads filled the air. Carefully closing the door behind her, she made sure to lock it. He didn't bother when he was home.

Benson almost hesitated relieving herself of her coat. His home was slightly chilly. Walking through into the living room and towards his office, she wondered why the heater wasn't on.

Unsurprisingly, Barba was found hunched over his desk scribbling away at court preparation. The room was dimly lit by an old fashioned green lamp.

He hadn't noticed her arrival so Benson watched him for a while, leaning against the door post.

'Hey,' she said softly to catch his attention.

Barba looked up and smiled, dropping his pen flippantly, 'Hey.'

'I thought you finished work at the office,'

'Carmen kicked me out,'

'Have you eaten?' She was concerned about his health sometimes. Too much caffeine and alcohol. Not enough meals.

'Today? Yes.' He replied, leaning back in his chair. He looked shattered. Hair tousled, tie loose and sleeve rolled.

Benson sighed, 'C'mon, B. Let's leave Adele for a while and get something to eat.'

Benson and Barba had been in a relationship for a number of weeks now. They had both agreed to take things slow. At times it felt like the right thing. At times it was painful. Benson knew it was the right thing though. She had a child and the nature of their professional relationship was such.

'I'll just freshen up,' he replied, standing up.

Benson switched on the heater and pottered around Barba's apartment waiting for him.

She wasn't nosy but enjoyed observing his home environment. Barba constantly surprised her with his décor, books, music collection and choice of art. His bedroom was a complete mystery however. She had never stepped foot in his bedroom.

Barba emerged from the hallway in more comfortable attire. Benson loved him in cashmere sweaters. He looked expensive but so cosy.

'So, do you want to take the car or walk?' she suggested.

He took his keys and wallet from the counter. 'I don't mind…' he said walking towards her and draping an arm around her, 'as long as I have your company.'

Benson's heart skipped a beat. He made her feel so young. Like that excitement of a first kiss. She raised and intertwined her fingers with his hand that hung over her shoulder before they exit the apartment.

As they began walking down the street, Benson noticed Barba begin to unwind. The stress and pressure of the week lifting off him as they chatted, still fused to each other.

 **Restaurant**

'Your turn,' Benson instructed. Keeping Barba on topic was tough.

'Okay, okay. Um…' he stalled, 'Um…the Notebook or…uh… P.S I love you?'

'Uh, P.S I love you. The Notebook is overrated.' She responded rather quickly.

Barba nodded as if he agreed.

The restaurant was surprisingly quiet. A jazz played set the mood and only one waiter was serving. Benson loved this place. It was slightly expensive but Barba's favourite so he insisted on paying every time.

'Cinnamon rolls or custard doughnuts?' she asked with a mischievous grin. They were his two favourite.

Barba took a sip of his water before answering, 'both.'

Benson rolled her eyes, 'Seriously, Barba. You are terrible.'

'I know,' he smirked. He looked good when he smirked.

The waiter came up to their table.

'What are we drinking tonight?' he asked.

Benson raised her eyebrows and looked to Barba. He ordered coffee, much to her surprise.

'None of the hard stuff?' she teased.

He shook his head seriously, 'Everything I say tonight I want to say without alcohol.'

She couldn't help but smile. He was proving to her that he could say things to her without the help of scotch.

'So what will you be saying with caffeine tonight?'

He leaned into her and whispered, 'You are so beautiful.'

Benson blushed and shyly looked down briefly, 'So are you.'

Barba frowned at that.

It was true though. Benson had been attracted to good looking men before but Barba was different. It wasn't just his body. His smile, his mannerisms and the way he dressed. His tone he spoke to her with – gentleness and respect.

'What?' she defended, 'I can't say that about you?'

He chuckled, 'Can't say anyone's used those specific words before…'

She picked up on his shyness. He was embarrassed.

'You know why I like spending time with you?' she asked.

Barba's face showed surprise at the question.

'Because we say whatever. I spend my whole day trying to find the right words to say to people. Then there's you,' her voice faded into a whisper. Part of her hated getting emotional so easily.

Barba just nodded. They understood each other. Studying each other's faces in the mostly dark jazz restaurant. What they had gone through to get here. It was all worth it.

The waiter promptly interrupted with their drinks. They didn't break eye contact. As if nothing was happening around them.

A short while later Benson looked at the time. The evening was getting on. Barba had court tomorrow.

'It's getting late, B,' she began to stand. He followed suit.

Barba helped Benson shuffle into her coat, 'You can call me Rafael if you like,' he stated fairly casually.

'Okay, Rafael…' she swallowed nervously, the words feeling unfamiliar on her tongue, 'Since we are running on caffeine instead of alcohol…would you like to… stay at my place tonight?

 **To be continued…yes, chapter 12 will pick off from here. Promise.**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12. As promised. Enjoy.**

 **Barba's Apartment**

Benson followed Barba into his bedroom. It was in that moment he realised this was her first time in there. Out of the corner of his eye he saw her taking it in. She looked a little awkward though. Standing there as he fussed around in his wardrobe.

Barba was swiftly organising his suit for tomorrow, careful to pick the perfect tie and fresh dress socks from the top drawer of his dresser. They were both quiet. Barely spoke words to each other since leaving the restaurant.

Nervous excitement had fallen over them. They both knew this night would come. The reality of it was beginning to settle on them.

'I'll just turn off the heater,' Benson said before ducking out of the room and leaving Barba to sort himself out.

He took a look at himself in the bathroom mirror for a moment before snatching his electric toothbrush.

Barba's mind was racing – trying to make sure he wouldn't forget anything. He had court tomorrow.

Protection. Would they need some? Better to be prepared. He suddenly realised he didn't have any.

'Barba,' her voice made him jump, 'All good?'

'Aha,' he shot back rather quickly.

Benson was unsure. Trying to read him, 'If you don't…' she began.

'I'm set. But I don't have…' he chuckled nervously, turning from the mirror to face her, 'Let's just say we'll have to make a pit stop on the way.'

Benson stared at him for a moment before she caught on, 'Oh, okay,' was all she stuttered back. Barba zipped his duffel bag.

 **Corner drugstore**

'Do you want me to wait outside?' she asked aware he may prefer a private shopping experience.

'It's okay, come in, I won't be a moment,' he responded quickly, voice drenched in nerves.

Strolling the aisle Barba couldn't help thinking of the last people he wanted to bump into right now. He concluded pretty much anyone he knew or vaguely knew.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Benson flicking through some magazines. He wondered what she was feeling. Why was he so nervous? He knew why. There had been so much built up anticipation for this event.

They didn't have his preference. Barba swore in his head and selected the next best. His attitude changed when he headed to the counter and saw Benson, with her back to him. She was absolutely beautiful and this was for her.

Placing a generous note on the counter, he instructed the attendant to keep the change.

'Ready, Liv?' he asked as if he had been waiting for her.

She shut her magazine slowly and placed it back onto its display before turning to face him. Her face was glowing. Chocolate brown eyes shone. Love. She nodded.

Barba saw the attendant watching them so took her hand in his firmly.

'Let's get the hell out of here,' he whispered almost laughing. Barba felt like such a teenager picking up such item from a corner store at night. On second thought, a teenager would have at least one in his wallet.

Duffle bag in one hand and his soon-to-be lover in his other, he navigated the city streets to lead her home.

 **Benson's Apartment**

Lucy was very quick to leave when she noticed Benson's company. Barba was relieved. He wasn't sure if he could take small talk at that point.

Barba unloaded his things onto the couch while Benson checked on Noah.

She came back into the room, 'You can hang your suit up in my cupboard if you like,' she suggested. She knew what he was like but also tried to make him comfortable.

Entering Benson's room felt strange. Glancing at the bed, it dawned on him. He was staying. After sorting out his suit, he looked around.

Benson was purposely giving him space for a moment. He could tell. She was putting the dishwasher on.

This was her room but he became acutely aware he was about to invade it. He was about to make love to his best friend in her bed.

Her stereo system flashed upon one of her two dressers. Slipping his hand into his pocket, he pulled out his phone and hooked it up.

Benson was shocked entering the room. Barba only two lamps on either side of the bed glowing. The familiar _O Mio Babbino Caro_ hummed out the speakers filling the room. His back was to her, fiddling with the phone.

'Opera, Barba?' she mused strolling towards him and snaking her arms around his torso.

He let out a small laugh, 'this is supposed to be a classical playlist,' he said while quickly scrolling.

He stopped when he felt her lips reach his neck. Soft, gentle kisses as she hummed ever so slightly. They were similar height when she was barefoot. Barba noticed this as his breathing became heavy and he covered her hands with his. She was bold.

It was her tongue that did it. Placing sensual open mouthed kisses along his neck. Carefully not to move too much, he placed his phone down and turned to face her.

Once he faced her something changed. She became self-conscious. Taking a step back and looking down. He secretly loved it when her hair fell like that.

Barba swept a hand through her hair forcing her to look up, 'Is the music putting you off?' he chuckled mostly at himself.

She laughed. Thankfully.

'You surprise me, Counsellor.'

'Do I?'

'Constantly,' she replied quietly. Almost a whisper.

He edged forward, closing the gap between them.

The music settled his heart beat momentarily as he leaned into her to whisper, 'This is how I keep my rhythm.'

Her pupils became saucers.

'I love you, Olivia Benson.'

He caught her lips with his before she could respond. He took the lead. Gentle but firm. Relaxed but intentional. Exploring. He tasted coffee and mint. Benson ran her hands from his chest, up to his shoulders to cradle his face.

They broke apart. Only to breathe. Or try to.

Barba gently took her hand and led her to the bed.

 **Let me know what you think. I love to read your thoughts.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Thank you everyone for your lovely response to the last chapter. I will definitely return to that night in more detail. Promise. Just let me know what you want to read about that night/how you want it to be shown. I hope you enjoy this chapter and the next should be up soon.**

 **Interrogation Viewing**

'No one could make up those details,' Benson gestured with her hands to emphasise.

Barba thought for a moment, 'Mmm…I agree. The question is whether he's telling the whole story. People like this tend to leave details out until the defence…'

'I get it, Barba. But it's a start,' she quieted him with firm hold of his forearm.

They paused at the physical contact.

'Hey,' he said in a low whisper.

Benson ran her hand slowly down to rest on his.

It was warm.

She thought for a moment, watching their hands, 'You have…'

The door swung open. Benson quickly retrieved her hand.

'Calhoun,' Barba sarcastically spat.

'Ah, Special Victim's crime fighting duo,'

'What are you doing here?' Benson asked fairly hostile.

'Good to see you too, Lieutenant. His father heard he was brought in and sent me down to represent him,'

'Hold on, we're not charging him of anything at the moment,' Benson was quick to point out.

'And after this moment?' she rhetorically asked.

Benson and Barba just stared at her.

Calhoun flicked her hair back, 'I'm going to be in _every_ interview of his from now, thank you,'

'No one's stopping you,' Barba muttered as he walked past Calhoun and to the door.

He turned back, 'I'll be in your office, Lieutenant,' he said before strolling out.

Calhoun watched him leave before turning to follow him out, 'You and Barba…I bet the sex is great,' she called as she left.

Benson shook her head not quite believing what she just heard.

 **Benson's Office**

'Now that Calhoun's on the case he'll be pushing for the best deal to testify,'

Benson rolled her eyes and sighed, 'She'll be warning him of a stitch up.'

'Hey, you want to fill me in on why Calhoun made a comment about us…together?'

Barba furrowed his brow, 'What kind of comment?' he replied while straightening a framed photo of Noah on her desk.

'Something about the sex being great,' she whispered.

Barba's facial expression didn't change, 'Well that's lovely isn't it?'

Benson rolled her eyes and bit her bottom lip. Silence. None of them knew what to say for a moment.

'She's not speaking from experience…' Benson began.

'God, no,' he let out a laugh to ease the tension, 'I've known Calhoun a long time. She must be in a dry spell at the moment.'

She only nodded in response still feeling uncomfortable.

' _Why did I have to ask that?'_ Benson inwardly cursed.

'Okay,' she smiled at him, 'we should probably get back to work now,' she whispered.

Barba straightened his tie and nodded seriously.

'Tonight? Side bar?' he suggested.

Benson smiled and nodded. She was both nervous and expectant of such conversation.

Past lovers.

It was funny to think of in the plural. Barba was her only lover. Now and ever.

Barba caressed her with those precious three words before leading her to bed that night.

She reassured him of the mutual feeling just before they made love.

Benson's wandering mind was interrupted with his voice.

'I'm an open book for you, Liv.'

 **Benson's Apartment**

'So,' Barba began, dropping onto the couch with scotch in hand, 'I guess the question is…was the sex great?' He had a smirk.

Benson chuckled. He was a cocky but mostly trying to put her at ease.

He suddenly turned serious, 'I'm just joking, Liv. I'm sorry that Calhoun said that. She's…'

Benson waited for him to finish that sentence. She wasn't upset at all. It was strange hearing other people talk about them. To her, what they had was just for them. No one else.

'…Rita Calhoun is just…Rita Calhoun. She'd give her first born to win a case. That attitude though, it hides her loneliness…'

Benson couldn't help raising her eyebrows sliding closer to him on the couch to hear his low almost whisper.

He let out a small laugh and shook his head, 'We drunk too much one night together. She made a move on me and I was drunk, alone and I tell you, I was _that_ close…'

'What stopped you?' Benson interrupted, suddenly overwhelmed with sadness.

'Honestly?' Barba asked before downing his last mouthful and continuing, 'Almost every part of me didn't want to go home alone but...it didn't matter how _drunk_ I was, there was always a little part me that was waiting for you.'

Benson was speechless.

He had been waiting for her.

Her.


	14. Chapter 14

**Thank you all for your lovely reviews – reading them not only makes my day but motivates me to write more for you. Chapter 14 is Barba and Benson attending his cousin's wedding. Barba has a few flashbacks to their night together.**

 **Benson's Apartment**

'Liv, I don't mean to hurry you but we need to leave in exactly _four_ minutes. When I say _leave_ I mean walking out the…' Barba was calling out as he walked down the hallway.

'…and…you are still in your underwear…' he realised once reaching her bedroom door.

'Yeah, I know, Noah got into his finger paint and…' she grunted in frustration while desperately sifting through various items in her closet.

Barba leaned against the frame tapping his foot impatiently. He had been ready for an entire twenty-three minutes already.

He couldn't help wandering eyes over her as she searched quickly. Black lace was her choice for such occasion.

'Do think this is appropriate for a wedding?' Benson asked holding up a deep purple dress.

Barba didn't respond but just looked her up and down. Her curves. Her skin. His mind flashed back.

 _Skin. So much skin. His heart pounded as more was slowly revealed. Every item of clothing was removed so carefully and slowly. There was no desire to rush this. He ran his left hand from her noticeably long legs all the way up the side of her body. Trembling. Her skin glowed a silky caramel._

'Barba.'

He snapped back. Benson had the dress now blocking his view. His wandering gaze was noticed.

'You'll look incredible, Liv,' he smiled.

By then she was already stepping into it so he quickly made his way to her to tend to the back zip. He dragged it up slowly. Too slowly.

'I guess we're a perfect match then…' she ducked her head so lose strands wouldn't catch.

Barba hummed in agreement. He wasn't in a rush anymore.

Benson turned to face him, lovingly brushing his suit jacket from fluff. He watched her. His mind flashed back.

' _Would you like to undress me?'_

 _She nodded, standing in front of him, brushing the fluff from his sweater. A strange gesture considering she was moments from freeing him from it._

Part of him desired to skip his cousin's wedding at that very moment. Would anyone notice? His mother would.

He would have to wait. He would have to be patient. Rafael Barba was not patient.

A sigh left him as he glanced at the time, 'Our ride is waiting, Liv.'

Leading her out of the apartment he realised this was their first time attending an event as a couple.

'You have the present?' she asked.

He nodded, tapping his back pocket.

The thought of how he would introduce her to the family crossed his mind. It had been a long time since he had last brought a woman to a family event.

As his hand gently guided her into the back seat of the car he concluded his mother would certainly do the job before he could get a word in anyway.

 **Reception**

The reception was deafening as the band and hundreds of guests competed to be heard over each other in a mixture of Spanish and English.

Benson didn't cling to Barba but he kept her close as they mingled among his distant relatives and strangers.

It felt strange having her with him among this part of his life. Inside jokes and awkward reunions after years without mutual thought of each other.

The alcohol brought the dancing. The dancing brought the movement that made it more difficult to keep eyes on each other.

Barba slipped his arm into hers and took her hand. Intertwined fingers. It took her by surprise.

'Everything okay?' she queried before raising a wine glass to her lips.

Barba nodded.

The music slowed. The bride and groom were invited to the dance floor. Couples were now invited.

Benson shifted from foot to foot.

Barba thought quickly as he watched her eyes dart between the dancefloor and their slightly sweaty interlocked fingers.

She wanted to dance. He noticed.

' _Shit. I haven't danced in god knows how long,'_ Barba worried himself.

She didn't know how incredible she looked right now. Curves hugged by a dress he was dying to unzip. His mind flashed back to that night.

 _Smile. She smiled and bit her lip. Silence. Her eyes exploring him before locking with his._

' _I love you, too,' she whispered, a tear slipping down her cheek._

His peripheral vision caught his mother pushing her way through the crowd towards them. She was going to tell him to get off the back wall, drop the scotch and be more friendly.

In one swift motion he took Benson's glass from her and placed it down. She was taken aback. He navigated their way to the dance floor narrowing avoiding any greeting by estranged family.

'This is becoming a habit, Barba,' she said, not sure if he could even hear a word.

Stepping on the floor, nerves crept up on him. She was slightly taller than him. God he wished he was tall.

Without a word he placed her felt hand on his shoulder. She squeezed it slightly.

He rearranged her right hand to cover his and drew her closer to him with a firm hand on her lower back.

Benson sensed his hesitancy. Closing the gap between them, she brushed a kiss to his cheek and hid in the crook of his neck.

Barba began to sway them to the music, running his left hand gently up and down her back. The music was drowned out. He could feel her shallow breathing and heart beating against his chest.

'I'm sorry you had to survive one of my family weddings,' he whispered sincerely.

She chuckled at his comment before whispering her reply, 'And I thought _one_ Barba was enough to deal with.'

'Thank you for coming,' he replied before bring her hand to his lips leaving a gentle kiss.

They continued to dance slowly and without intention. Merely holding each other close.

'I think people will be drunk enough that we can sneak out of here soon,' Barba laughed.

Even though he couldn't see her face at the moment he knew she had just rolled her eyes.

 **Please leave your prompts in the reviews! Ie. What you want to read when it comes to these two. Do you want more detail in their intimate moments? More case/police work? More of the squad? Some complications? This fanfic is for you lovely people.**


	15. Chapter 15

**By request, Barba and Noah. Please let me know what you think. Thank you for your responses! Sending you all love.**

 **Park Playground**

'Something terrible happened to her that night…'

'This girl's story is changing almost hourly!'

'B, I think we should speak more gently around Noah. I don't want him to think we are arguing,' Benson urged flicking a glance down to her son.

'Of course, sorry…' he lowered his voice and bend down to carefully stroke the boy's head.

Benson couldn't help but smile at the gesture. Barba wasn't very confident around children but he was getting there with her son. Each interaction with Noah showed a step forward.

The ice cream truck tune caught Noah's attention parked a short distance from the playground.

'Aw, Noah, what do you see?' Benson chuckled, bending down to his level.

The boy's eyes lit up as he stood to his feet. Toy trucks forgotten.

'Ice cream!'

'Sweet heart, mummy left her wallet at her desk! Tomorrow we can come back, okay?'

Noah just watched the truck as another child made their selection.

Barba sniffed before reaching into his breast pocket and retrieving his, 'It can be my shout if that's alright, Liv.'

She smiled up at him and mouthed a _thank you_ before turning back to Noah, 'Did hear that, sweet Noah? Barba will get you an ice cream. What do we say?'

Noah thanked him as clearly and precisely as he could while reaching his arm out.

Barba bent down to gently take the little sandy hand and walk him over to the truck.

Benson watched the two of them leave before her phone began to ring.

Barba was acutely aware this was Noah and his first time being alone. Even if it was only metres from Benson who was watching.

Barba scooped the boy up so he could see what was on offer. Wincing as Noah ran is grubby hands across his jacket, grasping his tie.

The boy was mesmerised by the selection of sizes and flavours. Barba couldn't help a smile creeping across his face.

The vendor gave them a friendly smile.

'What would you like on your ice cream, amigo?' Barba asked Noah, 'sprinkles?' he suggested.

Noah agreed sprinkles was a good idea. Barba internally sighed in relief the child was easy to please.

The boy watched intently as the man rolled his cone generously before holding it out to them.

Barba placed a few dollars onto the bench as Noah reached out his hands as far as he could reach.

The vendor chuckled as Barba stepped closer and guided the cone to Noah's eager hands,

'You'll have to lick it up quick kiddo or it'll end up on your daddy's suit. Very expensive suit…' his eyebrows raised.

Barba stared at the slightly overweight retiree. A little shocked. He found himself flustered and turned to slowly lower Noah to the ground.

Benson strolled over, slipping her phone into her pocket.

He was startled and turned to her, shuffling back from Noah.

'Everything okay?' she queried sensing the tension.

Barba nodded.

Noah looked up at them with ice cream smeared across his lips, 'Lick, lick or be on daddy's suit!' he pointed to Barba.

Benson looked at Barba.

Barba looked down.

'Daddy…' she began between a shaky breath.

'Liv…' he tried to explain.

' _This isn't awkward,'_ he kept lying to himself.

She was looking down at her son, hand covering her mouth. Part of her knew this day would come.

'The old guy said it when he handed over the ice cream…I didn't want to…you know…' he waffled, desperately trying to assess where she was at.

Benson was about to say something but hesitated.

'You needed?' he asked, referring to her phone call but also to change the subject.

'When am I not?' she sighed and turned to lead Noah as they began to walk, 'Look, Barba, the whole _daddy_ thing…I'm sorry…I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable…I know being a father is not in your schedule…'

'What makes you say that?'

'C'mon Barba, would you be with me if you did?' she shot back without thinking. It took them both by surprise even though it wasn't to confront.

He stopped walking. Confused, looking down at Noah and then her. Words couldn't quite reach his mouth.

'I probably won't be able to give you a child, Barba,' she explained in a soft voice. Almost a whisper.

He was taken aback. They were mutually aware of their age but never approached the subject explicitly.

'Yeah, I mean…' he stuttered trying to pull a response together, 'I guess I assumed…when we got to that…maybe Noah would be _ours_.'

Barba turned away to avoid her reaction for a moment.

She was shocked. _He was in this for the long haul. He was serious about them. Would they be squabbling at eighty-five?_

Noah was happily devouring his treat with one hand gripping his mother's trouser leg.

'Wow,' she breathed, tears forming in her eyes, 'I…I don't know what to say…I…you…you would be wonderful father.

Barba sniffed and swallowed as an attempt to compose himself.

'One step at a time,' he replied softly, lightly squeezing her arm.

She nodded. Smiling back tears to echo him in a whisper.

'One step at a time.'

 **The next chapter will be the squad reactions to Barba and Benson. Should be interesting…Keep the prompts coming!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Thank you all for your kind reviews, favourites and follows! Mmkbrook, I hope you are not too upset by Benson's comment in the park. From my perspective, that is not a closed door and you are right, there are other opportunities for them in establishing a family. I think Benson just wanted to be straight up with Barba about it from the beginning. Please, everyone, let me know your thoughts!**

 **Squad room**

Carisi leaned up against the counter next to Fin.

Fin continued to pour his coffee, suspicious of his presence.

'Is there something going on between the Lieutenant and the counsellor?' he asked without warning. His voice low.

Fin turned and gave him a dirty look.

Carisi checked to ensure the conversation was private before continuing. The squad room was fairly quiet for a change.

'Look, it's none of my business but, it might be helpful to be aware of since we all work together. You know…'

'What the hell do you know that I don't know?' he muttered. Still staring at him.

'Are you guys talking about the hand incident?' Rollins strolled over taking them by surprise.

Carisi sighed and turned away. He hadn't even mentioned it yet.

'What hand incident?' he had turned now, genuinely demanding answers.

Rollins smirked as she began to refill her cup, leaving Carisi to tell the story.

'It's not really my place…' he hesitated.

Fin stuffed his hands forcefully into his pockets, 'Spill. What the hell happened with the hand?'

Carisi threw a glance at Rollins.

'Don't look at me. I'm not the one who saw it. _And_ I don't care,' she emphasised walking away.

Carisi hesitated for a moment before leaning in to explain, 'A couple of weeks ago I saw them hold hands outside the courthouse. I think.'

Fin just shook his head, 'You gotta be kidding me…'

Carisi opened his mouth, almost expecting a reasonable explanation.

'You guys need hobbies…' Fin called out as he turned to stroll towards Benson's office.

Carisi frowned as he watched Fin walk away. Still not sure what to think.

'Let it go, Carisi,' Rollins called out from her desk. She didn't even need to look at the expression on his face.

'It's just weird,' he stated, walking towards her.

Rollins had looked up at him by this point, 'What's weird? That two people who work together are _doing it_? It happens all the time.'

'Yeah, yeah, I know. I know,' he nodded, sitting down at his desk, 'it's just…I got told there are two rules around here, one being…'

'Don't take anyone from this job home with you,' Rollins interrupted, 'Yeah, I got that too. But, you see, the thing is, sometimes the only people that truly understand what we go through, _every day_ , are the people here.'

Carisi thought for a moment before nodding, 'Yeah, I guess I get that.'

 **Benson's Office**

'Seriously, Fin?'

'Hey, Liv, you know me. I'm not prying, every has a right to privacy. I get it but…'

'People have to know,' Benson finished for him with a sigh. He was right. She knew it.

'So it's true…'

Benson stood to her feet and began rearranging items on her desk. Admitting to the squad was going to be harder than she thought. All she could do was nod. She couldn't look Fin in the eyes yet.

He strolled closer to her desk. 'Look, the first time Barba walked into the squad room we thought he was just another a jumped up …' he chucked before continuing, '...y'know…'

Benson nodded. She remembered the first time laying eyes on the shiny, fresh faced ADA. His quick wit and ability to alienate everyone in the room.

But Rafael Barba was brilliant. His belt demonstration in the courtroom had her sold. SVU needed him.

Fin shrugged, 'but now…well, I guess he's alright.'

'He's one of us,' Benson replied with an overwhelming feeling of emotion. The last couple of years had been a rollercoaster for the squad. Barba had been there at every step. Every hit.

Fin nodded and began to turn away.

He hesitated for a moment before turning back, 'One thing, was it just me who thought he was gay at the beginning?'

Benson laughed, shaking her head. Typical Fin.

'Oh, he's straight alright,' she whispered with a wink.

Fin was taken aback.

'Okay…that was way more than I needed to know…' he muttered quickly exiting the room.

' _You have thin feminine fingers,' Benson observed, inspecting his hand that lay lazily on her stomach._

 _They were lying on their backs in bed – his arm around her._

' _Thanks,' Barba mumbled sleepily._

 _She brought his hand up to place gentle kisses in between his knuckles._

' _If you don't stop soon…I'm going to start soon…' he hummed, eyes still closed._

 _Benson chuckled and continued, dipping the tip of his index finger into her mouth._

 _She lowered her voice to a whisper, 'And here I was thinking I drained you…'_

' _With you Liv, it's just a bottle of water and I'm ready go again. And again…' he muttered, shifting slightly._


	17. Chapter 17

**To say I was scared to post this chapter is an understatement. Warning: it's bits and pieces of love interactions, so if that's not your thing you may want to skip. This is that first night they spent together.**

He brought her with him and sat on the bed, legs out in front of him. Kissing her gently, he pulled her onto his lap.

She was shaking. Or was it him?

'It's uh…it's kind of cold…are you cold?' he stuttered.

She pulled back momentarily, sliding her hands up to his shoulders.

'I'm okay,' she chuckled before lowering her voice to a whisper, 'Shall I grab a blanket?'

He ran a shaky hand through her hair, 'No, it's okay, I'm sorry, I stall when I'm nervous…'

'It's okay,' she sighed into him, planting gentle kisses to the soft skin behind his ear, 'No rush. We can talk for a minute.'

'Maybe just for a moment,' he let out a ragged breath.

By this point he knew exactly why he was so nervous. Why he was overthinking every word and movement? This was Benson. A woman he had grown to respect and trust over the last four years. A woman both his body and mind had yearned for. The subject of numerous dreams. Many he was ashamed of. And here she was. Right now. Completely bare and straddling his lap.

He didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable by looking at her chest so kept his eyes on her face as much as possible.

'Do you usually ask the woman if she'd like to undress you first?' she asked rather playfully.

He looked straight into her eyes, holding her gaze, 'Since I started at SVU…'

Her smile fell, 'That's…wow…' she struggled to find words. He hadn't been doing this nearly as long as her.

Barba leaned back, supported by his hands to explain, 'Working at SVU…it's…it changes you. It changes the way you do…things.' He shrugged.

'Asking the woman to undress you is like, the ultimate consent?' she suggested, trying to understand the connection between the two.

'Yeah,' he replied in the slightest whisper.

He turned away momentarily and shifted slightly.

'Sorry, I'm probably a little heavy…' she began shifting herself.

He grabbed her hips, 'No. Stay.' He smiled warmly.

' _Get yourself together,'_ he instructed himself.

'Are you sure I'm not too…' she began.

He promptly cut her off, capturing her lips and drawing her closer to him. She automatically opened her mouth to receive caressing strokes from his tongue.

They broke away. Panting.

'Are you ready?'

She nodded. Her eyes sparkling in anticipation and nerves. Cheeks flushed a rose red and hair messily framing her face.

'Are you?' she whispered.

He leaned forward and placed a gentle, open mouthed kiss on her chest, just below where her necklace hung.

The room suddenly became very warm.

He slid his left hand up her side to firmly grasp her underarm and his right hand gripping her rib cage securely to lift her.

She gripped his shoulders to help raise herself off his lap.

His brow furrowed in concentration as he adjusted position and slowly lowered her onto him.

She let out a breath followed by a small whimper.

His breath was held as he tried to lower her as gently as possible to give her time to adjust.

She sharply took in a breath and wrapped her arms around his neck.

'You okay?' he worried.

'Yeah, yeah, I'm good,' he brought her lips to his ear, 'I love you so much,' she replied in a soft, shaky whisper. A stray tear began to travel down her cheek.

He wrapped his arms around her into almost a bear hug. The desire to just hold her close for a while overcame him. This was the closest they had ever been. The closest two people could ever be.

The music humming away in the background slowed down. He gently brought them down to the bed. Him on top. Arms propped on either side of her head.

'I love you, Liv,' he sighed before he began their dance.

 **Midnight**

'Want to do that again?'

'Yeap.'

 **1.30am**

Barba watched Benson sitting cross legged in the centre of the bed explaining the plot line of the film _Inside Out._ Her skin was golden in the dim light. Without imperfection. It glowed.

'Yeah, but, how can they feel any emotion but the one they are?' he interrupted her.

'You can't really analyse these films too much…' she laughed.

He could just watch her. She was so beautiful. Not just her appearance but her soul. Her passion, her smile, her laugh, her love. She surprised him. Constantly. Her ability to work sex crimes day in, day out but still have hope and love. Hope in people and love for life. It almost blew him away at times. Part of him wanted to be a better person for her. More compassion? Could he be that?

'What?' she interrupted his thoughts.

'Mind if I have some water? I'm parched.' He began to slide himself off the bed.

 **Some time later**

'You have thin feminine fingers,' Benson observed, inspecting his hand that lay lazily on her stomach.

They were lying on their backs in bed – his arm around her.

'Thanks,' Barba mumbled sleepily.

She brought his hand up to place gentle kisses in between his knuckles.

'If you don't stop soon…I'm going to start soon…' he hummed, eyes still closed.

Benson chuckled and continued, dipping the tip of his index finger into her mouth.

She lowered her voice to a whisper, 'And here I was thinking I drained you…'

'With you Liv, it's just a bottle of water and I'm ready go again. And again…' he muttered, shifting slightly.

 **After 4am**

She rolled over noticing the empty space beside her. Running her hand over the sheet feeling it was still warm.

Groaning as she pulled herself up from the bed, she slipped on his sweater and out into the hall to look for her lover.

She found him. Sprawled on the couch, feet on the coffee table, watching a news broadcast on mute. He wasn't dressed but managed to put on his boxers and beige pants. For some reason they were neither zipped or buttoned.

'Hey,' she called out softly to get his attention.

He turned and smiled up at her.

'Hey.'

'Are you okay? You hungry?'

'Yeah, I had just had some cereal…hope you don't mind,' he replied, an arm reached out to beckon her over.

'It's okay…' she whispered, sliding onto the couch and moulding her body against his, 'what's the time?'

He was always so warm she noticed.

'After four…' he mumbled, wrapping an arm around her. Her head found his chest.

'What time do you need to be in court?'

'Don't ask…' he chuckled, 'You doing okay?' he asked seriously, turning his head to look down at her.

Strands of her hair were being loosely wrapped around his fingers. There was something incredibly soothing about it.

They were quiet for a while. Mindlessly watching the flickering screen.

'You want to know something funny?' Barba asked quietly.

'Mmm…' she hummed in reply, sleep beginning to take over her.

He gazed at her soft hair between his fingers, 'You are my best friend.'

A smile spread across her face, 'You're right…'

Lifting her head to look up at him she tried to hide her smile, 'That is funny… having a lawyer as my best friend.'

Barba just looked over her.

'I know…' she responded in a whisper. He felt it touch his lips.

He chuckled and leaned forward to place a tender kiss on her temple.

'It amazes me your phone hasn't rung yet,' he mumbled.

'I switched it off.' She replied, squeezing him closer to her.

'But you never…'

'I know.'


	18. Chapter 18

**Thank you so much for your lovely reviews on the last chapter. I love to hear your thoughts so please continue to let me know what you think!**

Benson swirled the remains of her cooling coffee in her mug, 'So, what do you reckon?'

'The guy's a total sleezebag but he'll win a jury over easy,' Barba muttered in disgust.

'Well that's encouraging…' Finn sarcastically mumbled, turning to stroll out of interrogation viewing.

Barba and Benson turned to follow him out.

He held the door open for her.

'Liking the suit today, counsellor…' She whispered as she passed, eyeing him up and down briefly.

'Thank you,' he smirked before following closely behind her, 'find me some solid evidence that puts him at the club and we might have a case…'

'Copy that,' Rollins sighed overhearing the conversation from her desk.

Benson threw her a look as she stopped for a coffee refill.

'Liv, really?' Barba gave her a disgusted look.

'What?' She continued pouring innocently,

'That coffee…actually I'm not even comfortable calling that coffee…' he reached over to take the mug from her.

'Can't have that can we?' She rolled her eyes, 'how about while Rollins and Carisi find some evidence we make a quick coffee run?' She lowered her voice to keep it their secret.

'I've already had three this morning but you need a real one,' he spoke fluidly. Caffeine joined all his words together.

They turned to stroll out of the squad room.

'Maybe you could bring me coffee every morning?'

'Who am I? Richard Castle?' He chuckled, 'mind you, it would give me an excuse to see you every morning…'

'There you go…it's a win win,' she laughed, 'and you get to see me pre-caffeinated…'

Barba forcefully hit the elevator button, 'Definitely going to bring you coffee now.'

Standing in the elevator a brief silence fell over them. Benson interrupted it.

'It's a shame we only work together when something horrible like this has happened…' She sighed.

He reached his hand out to her forearm, gently smoothing his fingers over the jacket sleeve.

The elevator doors opened. They strolled out. Side by side.

'So how's Noah?' He inquired. He knew how to take her mind off things.

'Since you saw him last night?' She turned to smile at him knowing why he asked, 'he…he surprises me every day. Every day. That boy, he's growing so much.'

'Has he grown enough to reach that cookie jar yet?' He chuckled.

Benson rolled her eyes, 'He'll find a way once he realises you regularly fill it.'

Barba opened his mouth, exaggerating, 'That's because the only snack food you have in that apartment are carrot sticks.' His nose screwed up slightly just thinking of them.

She shook her head, not withholding a smile, 'Well, here's an idea, maybe instead of eating all my cereal you could bring your own snacks.'

'Maybe I will,' he shot back seriously as they stopped at the coffee cart.

Barba placed their orders as well as a fruit punnet for Benson. He knew she didn't really bother with breakfast most of the time.

'Noah's a bright kid, Liv. After all you've been teaching him, he'll be top of the class once he gets to school.'

Benson nodded shyly and looked down.

He continued, 'when I started school my English was pretty rubbish…didn't stop me from talking though…but yeah, Liv, you're doing a great job with Noah.'

'I just want him to have the best start possible. The best opportunities…' Her voice faded away.

Barba just nodded.

'Do you think me speaking a little Spanish to him is helpful or…'

'From what I've heard it is good for his development and he will more easily be able to pick up a language later on,' Benson explained.

'Has he responded in Spanish back to you?' She asked, aware of the growing interactions between them without her presence.

He frowned, trying to think, 'no, not that I recall.'

'Mmm…maybe he will soon. I better brush up on my Spanish…' Benson thought aloud.

'I speak a bit to you…' Barba responded a little defensively.

'Okay firstly, you only speak Spanish to me in the bedroom. Secondly, you don't exactly translate…' She used her hands to emphasise her points.

Barba paused. Hesitated for a moment.

'Point taken. Do you want me to translate what I say in bed?'

She thought for a moment, 'no, I think it would kill the mood a little...' she bit her lip.

Their coffees were ready.

Barba took a sip before returning to the topic at hand, 'so next time I come over I'll make sure to bring snacks and leave my native tongue at the door…' He teased.

Expecting an eye roll he was surprised by her casual quick response.

'Not sure about that…I'm becoming quite fond of your native tongue,' she flirted, throwing him a wink.

Barba took another gulp of the scalding liquid. Tried to compose himself.


	19. Chapter 19

' _Oh, shit!'_

'What? What's wrong?' Barba fumbled with the iron as he turned to Benson who had just hung her coat up by the door.

Benson took a deep breath to calm her thundering heart.

'Nothing, you just gave me a fright…' she walked into the living room, 'I forgot you were here…doing your ironing…' she muttered at the sight of him ironing his shirts in nothing but boxers.

'Yeah, sorry, I should probably put a bell around my neck,'

'Might be an idea, not used to finding a man in my apartment,' she mumbled, walking through into the kitchen.

Barba watched her for a moment before setting his shirts aside, stepping towards the bench.

'Lewis?' he asked gently but loud enough for her to hear.

She sighed and turned to him with exhausted eyes,

'Maybe…' she whispered.

Benson never needed to have the 'Lewis' conversation with Barba. He knew. Everything. Every detail replayed over and over in court.

Barba quickly pulled on some pants and a loose fitting sweat shirt.

'Hey…' he whispered back making his way around into the kitchen to her.

He gently pulled her into an embrace, draping his arms protectively around her middle.

Her arms wrapped around his neck to bring herself as close to him as possible – burying her face in him. She breathed him in. Smelt his familiar scent.

'I never blamed you, y'know,' she softly spoke into his neck, 'Never. Not even a tiny bit.'

'I know, Liv. I know,' he soothed, lifting a hand to place lovingly behind her head.

Running his hands through her hair he thought about how he could make the trauma she suffered go away. He couldn't. He knew he couldn't. It didn't matter how much he was there for her, what he said or how tenderly he made love to her. The trauma was still there. Every physical scar reflective of a much deeper emotional one.

 _She nervously ran her hand over her marked skin,_

' _I'm sorry, Barba…you don't have to look…'_

' _You are so beautiful,' he sighed, cutting her off, eyes lovingly exploring her._

 _Mesmerised._

 _Scars were scattered over her. His eyes were drawn to her hip._

 _His fingers traced over a darker patch of skin about the size of his thumb,_

' _Is this a birthmark?' he genuinely inquired with his brow furrowed._

 _She let out a small laugh and nodded._

They stood embraced for a while. Quiet.

Barba sniffed and hesitated for a moment before breaking the silence. They slowly released each other,

'I've been hit with a belt more times than I've worn one,' he let out quickly, much to Benson's surprise.

She winced and let out a whisper at the realisation,

'Suspenders…'

He let out a chuckle and turned as to use the bench to brace himself,

'Suspenders just feel less restricting…'

Benson sighed and stepped forward to touch him. She just needed to reassure him she was there. Running her hand along his forearm her mind flashed back to his scars.

 _She lay on her side, drawing lazy circles across his bare back as he dozed on his stomach._

 _His skin was golden and smooth. Warm underneath her touch._

 _Her fingers found slightly raised strips of previously broken skin._

 _Leaning over to place gentle kisses on the scarring, curiosity got the best of her,_

' _Hey,' she whispered, 'Rafael baby…' she purred, '…are these scars on your back?'_

 _He grunted quietly from being disturbed from slumber,_

' _You don't come out of the ghetto without a few scratches,' he mumbled sleepily into the pillow._

'You say that healing begins when someone bears witness right?'

She nodded.

'You are my witness,' he said quietly.

By this point he had turned to face her. Holding her chocolate brown eyes.

Benson's hand travelled down to rest on his,

'And you are mine,' she replied.

'Do you know how much I love you?' he asked, fairly unsure where he was heading with it.

She smiled back at him. Tears swelling her eyes. Lip lightly bitten.

He continued,

'You make me a better person every day. I love you more than anything else in this whole world.'

'Barba…' she gushed, swiping a tear with the back of her hand.

He intertwined his fingers with hers. Still resting on the bench.

'I'm not going anywhere,' he whispered with a cheeky grin.

Benson's cheeks burned. She couldn't believe this man in front of her. Her best friend. Her lover.

'I love you too,' she choked back.

Barba released his hand and pulled her smoothly towards him - arm draped over her shoulders.

'By the way, if we're having Italian tonight, we're not getting it from the last place,' Benson muttered.

He shrugged,

'So it took a while to get here…'

'It took so long Noah and I started eating carrot sticks.'

Barba laughed,

'Okay, how about we go to Italy?'

He was serious.

She thought he was being sarcastic. As usual.

'Seriously, Barba?'

'I'm serious, Liv. Me, you, Noah.'

Benson shook her head and took a step back from him,

'Noah doesn't even have a passport.'

'I can make some calls and get him one practically overnight.'

He was beginning a serious conversation.

She let out a breath. A vacation. Her, Barba and Noah. No cases. No phone calls. No interruption.

He brought her back,

'Liv…we need this…you need this…' he pleaded.

She smiled and gave him a nod.


	20. Chapter 20

**This chapter may surprise some of you. It surprised me. Please let me know what you think. Thank you for reading you kind humans.**

Benson strode through the DA office. Hands deep within her jacket pockets.

'He alone?' She asked.

Carmen nodded.

Once she reached the door muffled sounds of frustration could be heard. He was on the phone. Not a good sign.

Quietly she slipped into the room.

'No…no…what? You have got to be kidding me!' He raised his voice.

Barba had his back to her. Leaning against the window frame.

Even by only seeing the back of him she could tell he was shattered. His posture, the agitation in his voice and a tie grasped in his hands.

'How long has he been missing? Shit…' he threw his tie at the window, 'not for long. I'm leaving the city tonight…vacation…yes…bye.'

'Everything okay?' She asked, startling him.

He swung around,

'Liv…I'm sorry…'

They were due to catch a flight that night. Italy.

'Our flight leaves in…'

'I know, we picking Noah up on the way?'

'Yeap, all our bags are in the taxi downstairs,'

He just smiled at her. Couldn't wait to leave this city. Couldn't wait to escape it all with her and Noah.

She smiled back at him. Couldn't wait to leave responsibility behind. Couldn't wait to have her son and Barba all to herself.

Pulling on his jacket, he quickly snatched his brief case and walked around the desk to her.

'Ready?' She whispered. Her heart was racing by the wind of nerves and excitement.

His hand slipped into hers,

'Now I am.'

They strolled out of his office. Hand in hand. A brief nod given to Carmen and a passing colleague.

The cool evening breeze hit her cheeks. Would Italy be warm? She wondered.

Her lover was always warm.

Barba reached and opened the passenger door for her,

A beautiful smile crossed his weary face, 'My lover…'

A crack.

Or was it a pop.

Someone screeched.

He stumbled forward. Eyes wide. His arm reached out to grab her,

'Liv…Liv…Are you okay?' He kept asking. Gasping for breath.

She reached for her gun,

'I'm fine, get down!' She instructed, panic beginning to take over as she tried to work out where the shot came from.

Her eyes darted from building to building. People pushing and scurrying out of the way.

He dropped.

Benson took a double take as his body slumped to the ground. Hand releasing her shoulder.

'Barba!' Was all she could gasp at the realisation.

He'd been hit.

She froze.

Her mind raced. Where was he hit? Where was he hit? Where was he hit?

She dropped to her knees without thought to the concrete under her.

 **Some weeks later**

The calling of a small voice awoke him from his sleep.

Wincing, he slowly pulled himself up with his arm free from the sling. Careful not to disturb the sleeping form beside, he slid off the bed.

The cool wooden floor chilled his bare feet as he padded out of the room and across the villa style apartment.

He found the young boy. Standing on the low bed with a worried look.

'Toilet mon amigo or are we hungry?' He asked, reaching out to pick Noah up with his good arm.

He purposely rearranged the towels on the rail – giving the boy space but assurance.

They were quiet as he lifted Noah so he could wash his hands.

His left arm was beginning to ache.

'Shall we get something from the fridge my boy?'

He wasn't quite sure why he called him that.

He allowed Noah to make his selection.

Small fingers fumbled with a juice box and a yoghurt.

After gently lowering the satisfied boy to the couch with cartoons and breakfast, he plonked himself beside him for a while.

The cartoons were in Italian, not English but it didn't really matter, they both just watched the figures flickering the screen.

Noah was surprisingly settled next to him on the couch.

He had to hold things for him at times so yoghurt or juice wouldn't spill.

Running his free hand gently through the boy's hair his mind wandered to what it must be like to be a father. If he was honest with himself, he always wanted to be one, but he thought it was too late.

After a while, he realised Noah wasn't going anywhere. Pulling himself up from the couch, he made his way to the bathroom to freshen up.

Pausing mid brushing his teeth he adjusted his sling. Despite adjusting to the use of one arm, he was sick of it.

Entering the bedroom again he questioned whether the sleeping form had moved since he left.

Slipping under the covers he realised how warm the bed was. And her.

She lay on her side with her back to him. Upper body rising and falling to each steady breath.

He knew he should have let her be but he couldn't help himself.

Shifting closer to her he reached out and gently moved her hair away from her neck. The better access allowed him to place sensual kisses on the skin there to wake her.

She stirred and shifted to turn onto her back.

He continued running kisses along her neck ever so often with his tongue.

She was so warm under his lips.

Still with her eyes closed she smiled, wrapped an arm around his neck.

Finding it difficult with one arm in a sling, he tried to move down to under the covers. Lower.

He found her shirt had hitched during the night up to her midriff allowing him to gently kiss and caress her stomach.

His good arm began to ache at the weight of holding himself up.

He winced and slowly lowered himself back down to lay on his back.

Her eyes were open now,

'Are you okay?' She asked, her morning voice rather low and husky.

He thought it was incredibly attractive.

He nodded.

She carefully moved over to slide onto him. Face finding his stomach.

He felt like a hot blanket had suddenly covered him. She was so warm.

They both didn't even hear the small footsteps entering the room.

Noah called for his mother.

Signalling him over to his side of the bed, Barba scooped the boy up with his good arm onto the bed.

Benson couldn't help but smile blissfully. The two most important people in her life were with here. Safe.

After a lazy lie in, they both decided it was time to get up and into the day. Besides, Barba was getting a little stiff in the arm. The bullet wound was still healing and he would need to be in a sling for a few more weeks still.

'Noah, sweetie,' she sat up, 'can you be a big boy and play on the iPad while mummy helps Rafi get ready? His arm still hurts,' she leaned over to snatch the baby monitors, 'if you need mummy urgently, then talk in here, okay?'

Benson ran the water while Barba undressed for a shower.

'Yknow, Liv, I could probably manage…' He began, sliding off his pants.

She turned,

'Yeah, but where's the fun in that?' She smiled, 'besides, I don't want you to push yourself…'

Barba was right up behind her suddenly, his breath tickling her ear.

He was about to whisper something but just started laughing,

'I'm sorry…I was going to say something but thought I'd do that thinking thing before I speak.'

She laughed and turned to face him.

Reaching to his shoulder, she fiddled to release the sling. Careful to not scratch his skin. He had given up on wearing shirts unless in public. She didn't mind as long as he was comfortable. Noah was beginning to pick up the habit though.

As the sling slipped from his shoulder, she instinctively ran fingers gently across his mostly healed bullet wound. It was pretty much scar now but the he was still recovering from nerve damage.

The nightmare had played over and over in her head.

The pop.

His body slumping to the ground.

Blood.

So much blood.

Barba slipped his fingers underneath the waistband of his boxers and pulled his underpants down,

'Liv, you know how hardcore I am now? I have a bullet scar,' he said rather cheerful.

Although the sling was gone his arm was held in the same position.

Testing the water briefly, he stepped into the shower.

She just stood there. Watching him for a moment. His slow deliberate movements, his cheerful disposition.

As she leaned in to serve him a handful of shaving foam, she could just hear a familiar tune being hummed under his breath.

While he continued she decided it was probably a good time to brush her teeth.

'Hey, Liv,' he called out.

She spat,

'Mmm?'

'Can you come here my love?' He smiled. Shaving foam bearded his face.

As soon as she got to the shower door an arm was wrapped around her. Pulled her in.

'Barba!' She shrieked not to loud as to alarm Noah in the next room.

He just laughed pulling her flush against him - Shaving foam smeared across her face and neck.

She laughed, still annoyed,

'Barba! My pyjamas…' She just managed to let out as the water began to soak through.

He lent forward and took her lips hungrily. She responded running her tongue past his.

Frustrated with the use of one hand he slowly began to peel off her soaked shirt.

Benson broke the kiss with a laugh,

'No…no…' she stepped out the shower gasping for air, 'save it and get ready. I want to try that place for brunch.'

Barba began to step out to grab her,

'No!' She said firmly, swiping a towel to dry herself and laughing.

Barba finished in the shower and began towelling himself.

Benson could feel his eyes on her as she dried herself and wrapped a bath robe around her.

'Hey love, can you help me dry my back?' he grinned.

As they walked out the door she noticed Noah's outfit. Barba had definitely dressed the young boy. Ralph Lauren polo shirt and cargo shorts with Mickey Mouse socks.

Despite her objections, he insisted on carrying Noah with one arm. He was stubborn.

She wasn't sure which moment she felt it. Perhaps it was once they had arrived in Italy. Perhaps it was that moment in the shower. Or Noah's socks. Either way, she felt like she could be with this ADA for the rest of her life. He was everything she never expected but everything she needed at the same time. He was stable, sharp yet so gentle. At times she wondered what he saw in her. A single mother with more baggage than an airport.

'Liv?' He interrupted her thoughts, 'you have the key right?'

She smiled and nodded.

 **That evening**

Barba sighed contently as he swirled his scotch.

It had been such a good day. Sleeping in. Food. Exploring the beautiful town. Ice cream.

He was enjoying a drink at the bar while Benson was back at the apartment getting Noah ready for bed. Bath and story time was a big deal and she had promised him it would just be them two tonight. She also found it was more settling for him that way.

A man leaned over the bar next to him to order a drink. A very familiar accent Barba picked up.

'Holiday?' The man asked him. He would have been about similar age but watch shone a different price range.

Barba nodded and took a swig of his drink.

'Getting a break from the Rugrat, eh?' The man joked.

'Excuse me?' Barba asked, surprised at the comment.

The man laughed, receiving his drink,

'Saw you with the wife and kid earlier today…brave man for bringing them on vacation…'

He lowered his voice slightly and leaned in,

'Just between you and me…I go on vacation to get away from them…if you know what I mean…' He winked before strolling away back to his party.

Barba watched walk away and finished his drink.

'Another?' The barman asked.

He shook his head,

'I have to go…'

Barba rushed back. Skipping steps and sidestepping couples.

The apartment was dimly lit. Noah must be down for the night already. She had left the kitchen light on.

He slipped off his shoes and shuffled across the wooden panels looking. He found her.

She was in bed, glasses on, reading a book by lamp light. She was so beautiful. He took her in for a moment. She wore pastel blue pyjamas and he hair messily framed her face.

'Hey, Liv,' he gasped slightly, realising he was out of breath.

'Mmm?' She raised her head from the novel, greeting him with a smile.

'Will you marry me?' He asked. His heart pounding.

Quiet.

She just looked up at him for a moment,

'Do you mean that, Barba?' She choked.

'Yes,' he shot back straight away, 'I do.'

'Okay,' she smiled, tears beginning to roll down her cheeks,

'Yes, I would love to marry you,' she sniffed climbing out from under the covers and clambering across the bed.

She wrapped her arms around him carefully.

He just stood there with her clinging onto him. He was in shock. He was so happy though.

Running his hand across her back he felt the soft fabric between his fingers. His neck was becoming damp. She was crying.

'Are you okay?' He asked.

'Yeah,' she snuffled, 'I'm just happy, these are happy tears.'

'Good,' he whispered seriously, 'because I'd really like to make love to you.'

Benson pulled back from his neck then and sniffed,

'But…your…'

'Please, Liv.'

'Okay,' she gave in a whisper, biting her lip.

She reached up, sliding her hand up to his shoulder and began untying his sling.

He chuckled, 'Best day ever.'

'Mmm…' She hummed with a shy smile.

Barba reached between them to find the hem of her shirt and lift it.

She raised her hands above her head to allow him to pull it off.

They both let out a laugh.

Then it was quiet.

Barba lifted his arm. The one that spent it's days in a sling.

Slowly, shaking, he brought his hand up.

She looked down, watching his slow deliberate movement.

Wincing slightly, he slid his hand around behind her back.

'Barba…'

'It's okay,' he whispered, 'let's see if I can undo this…'

Relief washed over him. Only two attempts.

'I love this one,' he murmured, gently removing her bra.

'Me too…it's one of my favourite actually…'

'Yeah?' he asked, dipping his head down to her chest.

'Yeah…its…'

She lost her train of thought. Completely.

A mouth was planting light quick kisses down her sternum towards the valley between her…

She gasped.

He stopped abruptly and looked up at her,

'Noah is asleep, right?'

' _Our_ son is fast asleep,' she replied bravely, nervously biting lip.

The biggest smile crossed Barba's face,

'Our son…'

Benson nodded, carefully helping relieve him of his polo.

'I love that boy,' he said leading her by the hand.

'I know,' she whispered back.

Sliding her pants down her legs he continued to talk. She loved it when he talked.

'Shall we make one ourselves now?'

'Barba…'

'Okay, that's fine. By the way, getting married is not going to affect our intimate life,' he continued, removing his pants.

'What are you talking about?' She couldn't help but laugh.

'We are going to have crazier sex and naked weekends…'

'Okay, firstly, you are naked a lot anyway and secondly, that thing people say about marriage and sex, it's bullshit.'

'Well yeah, I knew it wouldn't apply to us.'

Benson raised her eyebrows.

'I should really stop talking,' he thought aloud.

She sat on the bed, still facing him, and slowly shuffled back,

'Oh no, I'm hooked, tell me about this crazy sex.'

Barba just shook his head. She was teasing him.

'Well,' he began, crawling across the bed, 'I will have full use of both of my arms.'

He was now hovering over her, propped up with one arm.

'Wild,' she whispered, bringing her upper body from the bed to capture his lips in a tender kiss.

A moan slipped from the back of his throat.

His weaker arm reached down – running from her thigh up to cup her.

She moaned that time.

He wondered when she took her underwear off.

They both released each other, panting.

Barba gently guided her thigh so her leg wrapped around him,

'We are pretty wild, I mean, scars…bullet holes.'

She responded by bringing the other up.

'One bullet hole. And hopefully never another,' she corrected.

He stopped talking briefly to position himself.

She was very much ready for him. And him for her.

He slowly pushed into her,

'Fair enough…' He gasped slightly.

Her eyes slipped closed at the sensation. He was an incredible lover. It had been too long.

Barba paused at that point. Just allowing them to be connected. Allowing her to adjust.

Their eyes were locked. Lost in each other.

'If you get tired…'

He just held her eyes. His pupils dilated. Love. This was his future wife.

Withdrawing slowly, he hushed her.


	21. Chapter 21

**Hello all. Sincerest apologies for the late update. I have been super busy with my studies and found this chapter tough to write. Really appreciate your feedback kind readers.**

'Please don't mention taking the sling off early…'

'Seriously, Barba? I know your mother. Don't think I need the pep talk.'

They stopped halfway up the stairs,

'Trust me, you do. She gets a whiff of me not taking my recovery seriously she will shoot me in the other shoulder,' Barba said seriously.

She rolled her eyes.

He was in a melodramatic mood.

Great.

'Look, Liv,' he gently took her hand, 'I'm sorry, getting shot scared her. In her mind, my job is perfectly safe.'

Benson looked away to avoid his eyes. He couldn't see her eyes welling up.

'It scared everyone, Rafael…seeing you…'

' _Oh my god,' she panted, dropping to her knees._

 _His eyes were wide. Fear. Shock._

' _Liv,' he gasped._

 _He didn't even react as she applied the pressure._

 _Hands wet with his blood._

' _It's okay,' she felt her nose running with a sob, 'I'm here…I'm here…'_

 _His face was white. Pale._

'I know, Liv. It was one of my favourite suits,' he replied with a chuckle.

Benson just looked at him, shaking her head.

'Excuse me,' a voice cut through.

They were blocking the stairs.

'Sorry,' they both mumbled, stepping aside.

She took his hand back as they continued up the flight of stairs to Lucia Barba's apartment.

Barba smiled. He couldn't quite believe he was going to marry her. It was all a bit surreal. Glancing up at her he admired her outfit. Close fitting back jeans hugged her curves, loose blue blouse and a leather jacket. Casual but inadvertently attractive. She was so him.

Barba firmly knocked three times on the door,

'Oh, by the way, I haven't managed to tell her about us being engaged.'

Her mouth dropped open in disbelief.

The door swung open,

'Hello! Rafael! Olivia!'

Lucia greeted them both with a hug and herded them inside.

'So, Rafi, you made it back from Italy without another near death experience,' Lucia sassed, leading them through to the living area.

Benson smirked. Like mother, like son.

'You do know I didn't shoot myself in the shoulder, Ma,' he replied, helping Benson remove her jacket mostly to prove his mobility.

'That's not the point dear son,' Lucia called out, walking towards the kitchen, 'you are not a cop. You are a lawyer. You have a desk job. You shouldn't be anywhere near a bullet.'

'A bullet?' He squinted as if confused, 'Olivia carries a clip all day.'

Lucia pointed a wooden spoon straight at him seriously,

'Don't be a smart ass. Offer the woman a drink.'

'Uh, Lucia,' Benson finally interrupted, 'We brought a bottle of red.'

She raised the bottle with a firm closed smile.

'Olivia my dear, you are a keeper,' Lucia gushed before turning to her son, 'marry her.'

Benson chuckled awkwardly and looked down.

Barba nervously bit his lip and took a step to grasp her hand,

'Mother,' he tried to divert his mother's attention away from cooking for a moment.

'Mmm?' Lucia looked up.

'I am,' Barba nodded, shoulder to shoulder with Benson.

Lucia glanced between them two,

'You're what?'

She didn't get it.

Barba cursed to himself, gripping Benson's hand firmer.

Taking in a breath he was interrupted.

'Lucia, Barba and I have decided to get married,' Benson said consciously stroking his hand with her thumb.

A silence fell as Lucia processed the new information.

Lucia embraced Benson first and then her son – leaning in to whisper,

'I'm proud of you.'

Relief washed over them as Lucia dished up dinner – they chatted away about Noah, Italy possible wedding ideas.

'Rafi, the family will want an engagement party so organise…'

'Ma…' Barba cleared his throat.

Lucia reached for her wine glass,

'Alejandro's has a waiting list…'

Barba rolled his eyes and nervously threw Benson a look.

He didn't want Benson to feel overwhelmed. This was all new. Exciting, but new.

She gave him a reassuring smile,

'It's okay,' she mouthed.

Lucia nodded. She understood her son's look.

Taking a sip she decided to switch the subject,

'I bought Rafi's favourite cheesecake for dessert.'

Benson chuckled.

'When he was a boy he always asked for vanilla cheesecake for his birthday cake,' Lucia continued.

'So…Lucia…can I please see the young photos of your dear son?' Benson asked with the biggest grin.

Lucia laughed and rose from her seat,

'I'll have to dig some out…'

Benson smiled and nodded in anticipation as she walked away.

Barba stared straight at her,

'Really?'

She smiled at him cheekily, ran a hand up his thigh and winked.

Benson chuckled as she flicked through the slightly dog-eared photo album of Barba from birth throughout his childhood.

One particular photo caught her eye.

A young Barba, couldn't have been older then thirteen, dressed in turn of the century clothes on a stage. Possibly a school play?

Lucia and him were over on the couch muttering away but drowned out by the radio in the kitchen.

'Did they catch the who did this to you?'

Barba nodded,

'He won't hurt me anymore.'

Lucia leaned in closer so Benson couldn't hear,

'Why on earth would someone want to shoot you in the first place?'

He took her hand in between his and looked her in the eye,

'Ma, I'm a prosecutor for sex crimes.'

He glanced briefly over to his fiancé, still at the dining table,

'It doesn't come without a cost.'

Lucia rearranged her hair and nodded,

'I get it…He got you right outside your office…' Lucia faded to a whisper.

Barba nodded.

'I was lucky. He killed a witness from the trial,' he looked down.

'Maybe you should go back to private…'Lucia began.

He knew where this conversation was going,

'Ma…' He rolled his eyes.

'Listen to me,' she said firmly, grabbing his forearm tightly, 'I was with Olivia in the hospital, waiting for you to get out of surgery. She was soaked in your blood and her eyes were raw from crying.'

'Ma…' He tried to cut her off again.

' _Benson! Benson! Olivia! What happened?'_

' _Lucia…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry.'_

'No, you listen to me. She wasn't sure if that was the last time she'd ever see you…'

'You think I wanted this to happen? The only thing I could think was Liv is okay. Liv is okay. Liv is okay,' his voice raised slightly and the radio jockey began to talk.

Benson could hear.

Lucia briefly looked over to her,

'And she's fine, Rafi but you can't argue your way out of death.'

Benson slowly closed the photo album.

Barba nodded and smiled reassuringly,

'You're right, I'm sorry Mami. Tell you what, I'll give it some thought, okay?'

He intentionally kept his voice soft and low.

Lucia mumbled something in Spanish as they embraced in a brief hug.

A phone rang.

Benson's.

'Excuse me,' she stood up to answer, 'Fin…'

Lucia filled him in briefly on family gossip until she returned.

'I'm sorry, got a case. I am needed at the precinct,' Benson sighed, 'thank you so much for dinner, Lucia.'

'Anytime, Olivia,' she smiled, standing up and heading to the kitchen.

Barba stood up and walked towards Benson,

'Hey, what's up?' He softly asked, placing a hand on her lower back. He couldn't help touching her. It was a habit.

'Domestic gone septic. Not exactly sure yet,' she reached for her jacket that hung over the couch.

'Do you need me now?' He asked.

She shrugged on her jacket,

'Not right now but will call you when. Can you go back to mine?'

'Sure, I will relieve Lucy. Got paperwork to do anyway,' Barba leaned in to kiss her.

Benson closed the gap and kissed him firmly,

'Thank you,' she whispered before making her way out.

 **Later in the evening**

'So, Noah,' Barba spoke gently, 'remember mummy is working so nice and quiet when we see her.'

The hallways of the precinct were fairly still in the later hours.

Stepping into the elevator with Noah in his arms he wondered if she would be annoyed he was not tucked away in bed. Possibly.

Noah was restless when he had shown up to the apartment solo. The constant request for his mother forced Barba to wrap the boy up in one of his best cashmere sweaters for a night visit.

Noah wrapped his petite arms around Barba's neck as they arrived on SVU's floor.

The hum of a quiet Tuesday night was surprisingly soothing and Barba strolled across the squad room to Benson's office.

A nod of approval from one of the detectives.

Benson's office was empty but he saw her talking to a young woman in the family room.

'There you go, Noah,' he stood at the viewing glass. Sound was off so they couldn't hear what was being said.

'Momma,' Noah whispered.

'Mmm…' Barba hummed, gently rubbing circles on his back.

They watched for a while before he made their way to the couch.

Benson sighed as she marched towards her office.

A woman had beaten her husband with an iron after he had violently assaulted her. She was in shock. Scared.

Slowly her stride, she could hear a voice in her office. Stopping at the door, she observed the sight before her.

Barba was slumped on the couch, fiddling on his phone, chatting away softly to her son – sprawled on his chest – eyes drifting closed.

'...so the judge said we didn't have enough evidence to pursue our case…bearing in mind at this point we'd lost not only one, but two of our key witnesses…'

'Hey,' Benson interrupted in a whisper, not wanting to stir the three-year-old,

'What are you two doing here?'

Barba didn't even flinch,

'Waiting for you.'

She slid onto the couch next to them and reached out to stroke Noah's hair,

'He didn't settle?'

Barba shook his head.

Benson sighed.

'I'm not good at this stuff, Liv,' he mumbled.

'Nonsense,' she soothed, 'Both of us are still learning.'

'Mmm,' he replied, 'Sorry if tonight was a little over whelming with my mother…'

'Not at all. It was really nice actually. Having a mother being all excited about an engagement,' she gave him a sad smile.

Barba put down his phone, careful not to disturb the sleeping form on him, and brought his hand up to gently caress her cheek. She nuzzled into his hand with a smile.

'You never have to be alone again, Liv,' he whispered.

'Hey,' she shot back with a smile, 'none of that.'

A mutual sigh was released.

'How do couples get to that point?' Benson whispered as if to no one.

Barba gently ran his hand combing her hair,

'What point?'

'To the point where one beats another with a hot iron…'

He sighed. There was something comforting about these conversations. They could exchange emotion about the trauma they experienced daily. Usually he would just numb it with alcohol.

She was surprised at his answer,

'The rescue team don't see the crash. They're called in after to do their best to clean up.'

She could feel the sadness in his voice,

'You okay?' she asked softly.

Barba cuddled Noah as if protectively,

'Mother wants me to go back to a private firm.'

Benson nodded and caught his green tired gaze,

'Do you know what you want to do?'

 **Next chapter will be up soon. Promise.**


	22. Chapter 22

**After Dodds funeral.**

Benson slid the key and rotated. Subconsciously waiting for the released click of the lock.

Warm air brushed her cheeks as she entered the dark apartment. Careful to light her way to the kitchen – a precaution to not trip over blocks – a sigh escaped her hands found a fresh bottle of red.

Bottle-opener.

Attempting to be as quiet as possible, she rummaged through drawers. It was not in its usual spot.

Growing frustrated, Benson gave up. Gripping the bottle with one hand, her face was buried in the other.

What a day.

What a week.

Dodds was fresh in the ground and she was at breaking point.

Glancing down at her uniform she noticed her loosened tie. A broken sob was released as she ripped it off violently and threw it across the bench.

A hot tear made its way down her cheek as fingers became white with the bottle grip.

Her mind flashed back to the house. Officer down. Blood. More blood. Sleep. Chief breaking down in her arms.

Benson considered ringing Chief.

She thought better of it. He didn't want a call from her.

'Can I join you for a nightcap?' A voice interrupted her breakdown.

She looked up and gave him a weak smile,

'How about getting blind drunk?'

Barba moved towards the kitchen counter – hands deep in pockets.

'Okay…' he whispered with concern.

'I can't find the bottle opener though,' she chuckled, sleeve wiping her eyes.

Barba just observed the sight for a moment. Lieutenant. Leader of the squad. Red eyed, disheveled draped over the kitchen counter.

'It's on the coffee table. If you want to, tonight is the night,' he stated, still looking her over.

Benson nodded and moved to retrieve it,

'How is Noah?'

'He's absolutely fine. Mami text earlier this evening to say he was fast asleep after milk and Dr Suess.'

Relief washed over her as she held the opener up victoriously,

'No children. No work tomorrow. No responsibilities…Tonight Barba, tonight we drink and we drink…'

'Liv…' He interjected, taking a step towards her.

'Do you still have those cigars?' She asked, clearing ignoring him.

'Uh…not on me…' Barba was baffled.

Benson marched back to the kitchen to open the wine,

'What are you drinking?'

'Liv…' he tried to get her attention.

She wasn't listening. He slowly made his way towards her.

'Do you have a couple of cigarettes left in the nightstand?' she asked.

'It wasn't your fault, Liv,' he said firmly but assuredly.

Her trance was broken as the cork popped and rolled across the floor.

He continued as he shuffled towards her,

'Dodds wasn't your fault. You did the best you could. This is not on you.'

She just stared back at him. Eyes swelling with fluid. Trying not to cry. He had seen her in this state too many times.

'I know,' she barely whispered back.

He saw her nod though and returned the motion.

Reaching over, he cupped her face tenderly with one hand and took the bottle with the other.

Benson whimpered.

'I'm worried about you,' he took a step closer, 'if we are going to do this tonight, I want to make sure it's what you want to do not what you need to do. Do you understand?'

She turned away, 'You don't want to…'

Barba sighed and brushed hair from her face,

'I want what you want right now. Whatever that is.'

'…so I held my head up high and strolled out of the room. You should have seen the look on their faces…' He chuckled, taking a swig of red straight from the bottle.

She laughed, exhaling smoke up from her spot on the floor. She loved getting drunk while lying down – it seemed to soak her body more slowly.

The room was dark with only the quiet background of unidentifiable music buzzing.

Benson lay on her back in shirt and pants. By her side Barba sat shirtless against the couch.

'Never lived that one down…' Barba muttered as they swapped drugs. Liquid to smoke. Smoke to liquid.

'You seem familiar with cigarettes,' he observed, pressing the stick between his lips.

'Wine seems to be the ice breaker between us,' she mumbled, sliding her hands up and around the bottle.

'When I was twelve a friend of mine and I use to sneak my mothers wine from the cabinet,' he chuckled at the memory.

'Ah…so you didn't go straight for the hard stuff…' She teased.

He shook his head slowly with a smirk.

They were silent for a moment. Both enjoying the numbing effect.

'Do you know what your life would be like without SVU?' He asked casually.

Benson hesitated for a moment,

'That's a question kinda like…kinda like what would your life be like if you were a super rich. It possibly be a bit less shitty.'

Barba couldn't help but laugh at her answer,

'Shitty?'

Benson chuckled,

'It's a dark cloud that never lifts. Shitty is the general term.'

'Possibly…' He pondered, rolling the cigarette between his fingers.

'Dodds may be still here…' She replied bluntly to his surprise.

Awkwardly, she took a swig of wine trying not to spill it over her white shirt. Not that it really mattered.

'We can't think like that, Liv,' he responded rather impressed with its sense.

Benson reached out to squeeze his knee,

'You're right…' She mumbled.

'You're always right,' she continued, gently massaging where her hand gripped.

'Can I get that in writing?' Barba asked before taking a drag.

Benson hummed in response.

He leaned back and sighed, watching smoke dance between them.

She had rolled onto her side and begun snaking up against him.

'Liv…' He whispered trying, yet again, to get her attention.

She ignored him as her leg shifted to straddle him.

Head dipping, she began to place gentle kisses on his chest.

Barba noticed his brain was functioning too slow. Everything was too slow.

'Liv…' He sighed shaking his head.

She didn't stop. He felt like he was in a trance. Focusing hard on not dropping the cigarette he shifted.

Suddenly she was bare. Shirt tossed aside at her own will. He leaned over to drop the cigarette into the empty bottle.

'Liv…you don't need to do this…' He tried to gain control over the broken form in his arms.

It wasn't right, was it? They were both grieving.

Her lips travelled up to his neck. Feathering. Fingers dancing around his belt. Using her weight, she pushed him down to the floor.

Back hitting the carpet surprised him. How much had he drunk? She was far gone. Friskier than ever, running hands over his bare skin.

He watched her for a moment. Her murmuring and humming straddling him. Undoing his belt set off his inward alarm.

'No,' he interrupted her firmly, grabbing roaming hands.

Pulling himself up, the room spun.

'Shit,' he mumbled.

She whimpered, desperately trying to feel him. Realising he wasn't allowing her in, she choked out a sob.

He pulled her to him as he sat up, leaning against the couch. Still straddling him, he pulled her into an embrace.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and sobbed.

Barba ran his hands over her bare back as his neck and shoulders became damp with tears.

They were no words to be said. He just held her.

Benson clung to Barba. vulnerability scaring herself as she felt warmth radiating from his skin swirled with smoke.

'I have a drinking problem…' She sobbed into his chest.

'We both do…' He soothed placing a firm kiss on her head.

 **Let me know what you thought. I was exploring what rock bottom might look like for these two characters.**


	23. Chapter 23

**Sorry about the late update. I had a chapter set to go but lost it. This one is likely to be called 'the morning after'…**

'What's the time?' she mumbled as her body resisted sitting up.

Her head pounded as eyes sought for the moving figure.

He threw the curtains back with a satisfied swish as a flood of light lit the room.

'Barba…' she groaned.

'It's almost ten,' he replied rather chipper.

Benson desperately tried to recall what had happened the night before.

Flicking the sheets aside, her head spun.

'Barba…'

He ignored her, 'You up for brunch? The usual place?'

Adjusting his jersey in the mirror, she leaned over to grab his attention.

'Barba!'

'What, Liv?'

'I think we need to talk about last night…'

He nodded and revealed a small smile – much to her surprise.

'Go and wash up. We'll talk over brunch?'

Benson squinted her eyes suspiciously before giving in.

 _He was acting funny._

Looking back at the mess in the bathroom mirror, it hit her.

He was freaked out. That's it. Last night. The drinking. The smoking.

She let out a sigh, studying the lines and smears on her face.

Running the hot water, she paused for a moment.

 _Too old for a fucking hangover._

She nearly missed it.

Swinging open the medicine cabinet and reaching for the face scrub.

It sat there, neatly between aftershave and mint bath bomb.

A ring box.

Open and presenting a shiny ring.

Benson froze.

 _He still wants to get married._

A tear slipped down her check as she retrieved the box and slowly made her way to the door.

Barba was standing there. Waiting for her.

'I still want to marry you, Liv.'

'I'm sorry, Barba…I have so much…'

A concerned look crossed his face.

Last night kept haunting her mind as she tried to think clearly.

'Look, Liv, if you want to put things on hold…'

'No. No, it's not that…' she smiled sadly making her way to him.

He pulled her to him. Wrapping her in his arms.

'I'm damaged goods…' she whispered into the crook of his neck.

He placed a gentle kiss on her head and reached around to take the box from her.

 _He's going down on one knee. Oh my God._

'I've never been more sure of anything in my life.'

'Yeah?' she whispered.

'Yes.'

Benson chuckled, 'Did you leave the ring in the cabinet last night?'

He nodded seriously.

'I love you,' she whispered, reaching down to stroke his hair.

He took her hand to give her the ring.

'I love you, too,' he whispered back before tenderly kissing the knuckle below her ring.

Benson turned away, 'Please stand up before I cry…' she laughed although it came out like a sob.

Barba obliged.

'Now wash up. I'm starving.'

She rolled her eyes.

 _Normal Barba's back again._

'I actually do need the aspirin.'

'Sorry, Liv.'

Benson took a moment to gather her emotions as the shower heated up. She felt as if he had proposed all over again. Setting a fire within her and a future she had never seen before.

 _Would we have more children?_

 _Would we move out of the city?_

 _We will no longer drink._

 **Brunch**

'See Noah, this is why you should always wear black pants – no food stains,' Barba laughed between bites.

Benson rolled her eyes as she attempted to dab clean Noah's pants.

Noah sported a syrupy grin quite pleased with himself.

Lucia Barba hesitated a sip of coffee,

'Son, you refused to wear pants full stop when you were that age.'

'Thanks for that, Mami.'

Benson smiled down at Noah,

'Why don't you give Barba a big hug right now!'

The boy, syrup pants and all, lunged himself across the chair onto his lap.

Barba winced.

Lucia laughed.

Benson smirked.

Barba shortly gave in, dropping his fork and scooping Noah up into his arms.

He swept the brown hair from the boy's face and looked him in the eye,

'You only got away with that because I'm not wearing my suit.'

'How you doing, my boy? Enjoying those pancakes?' he inspected the syrup damage.

Nods all around.

'So, does he understand you two are getting married?' Lucia asked.

Benson thought for a moment,

'I think he does to an extent and he'll understand more as time goes on.'

She couldn't keep her eyes off Barba and Noah.

The small gestures, smiles and movements.

The fascination.

On some level they understood each other. She wasn't sure what that level was but it was there.

'Every time I see him he seems so much bigger!'

'You're welcome to come around more often, Lucia. Lucy would like the company as well,' Benson took a sip of her juice.

'That would be great. By the way, you two need to cut your hours back at least in the lead up to a wedding.'

'Mami…'

Lucia shrugged innocently,

'I'm just saying…you two will hardly have time for each other.'

Barba straightened Noah's shirt,

'We have a week before we go back to the trenches.'

Subconsciously, he reached under the table for Benson's thigh.

'Ah, how is the squad holding up?' Lucia asked.

Benson sighed and slipped her fingers between his,

'I think everyone's just trying to keep busy. Fearing their next encounter with his father.'

Lucia looked intently at the coffee cup,

'The man buried his child. No one should ever have to do that.'

Noah slid himself from Barba's lap and retreated under the table to explore.

'That guy died a hero,' Barba replied softly, still watching the boy.

Benson began drawing gentle swirls in the palm of his hand.

She couldn't help a small smile.

She couldn't look at him though.

Lucia ducked underneath the table to engage Noah who made his way to her.

Barba took the moment to shuffle closer to Benson.

'Are you sure you'll be ready to go back in a week?'

He asked a gently as possible – not wanting her to feel weak in herself.

She bit her bottom lip with thought,

'I think so…things have changed…'

'What's changed?' he whispered only loud enough for her ears.

'How I see the job. I didn't realise how selfishly I was doing it.'

'I would disagree…'

She chuckled,

'You might be a little biased.'

'Only a little?' he raised his eyebrows playfully.

 _One hundred percent._

She shook her head and smiled.

Reaching to feel the silver on her finger she glanced briefly to Lucia playing with Noah before turning to meet her fiancé's gaze.

A thought came to her in that moment.

She had no doubt. None.

Barba was the one.


	24. Chapter 24

**Bit of artistic licence here in terms of Barba's past. Also, mention of physical abuse so some may find it upsetting. Thank you to those who read and review – it means a lot!**

Benson noticed her before him. Long legs wrapped in black stockings. Close fitting skirt and blouse.

"Mr Barba, lovely to see you again."

"And you."

"Anything in particular I can help you with today?"

"Just browsing at the moment, thank you," Barba replied smoothly.

"Certainly. Let me know if I can assist you with anything."

The saleswoman left them swiftly to tend to another customer.

Barba nodded.

"Something tells me this is not your first time here."

He chuckled and shook his head.

"What are you looking for, B?"

Barba thought for a moment,

"Mm…not sure. Possibly a new shirt."

"Ah, so you do actually intend on wearing those things…" she teased.

Barba continued mostly preoccupied looking at racks of clothing.

Benson watched him rummage a while and shook her head at his interest in a dark coloured shirt.

"You look really good in light colours – shows off your nice skin."

"You don't think I have too many of that tone?"

Benson shrugged,

"You just get whatever you like."

Barba returned the darker colour to the rack and turned his attention to a beige shirt with a small mustard shade logo.

He proceeded to hold the shirt against himself for side with a serious look.

Benson dropped her head with a small smile to herself.

This was serious business.

She turned to browse herself and found a pair of light brown pants that may suit the shirt.

"Barba, how about these?"

His eyebrows rose in agreement of the forming outfit.

After retrieving hopefully, the right size, she returned to give him a better look at the pants.

"That's an outfit," he smiled in agreement.

Benson reached out to gently stroke his lower back as she watched him inspect the new clothing.

"I better go try it on, won't be long."

Benson nodded.

Hovering around the arch of curtains, she never thought she would be where she was now. In the ADA's favourite store while he tried on new clothes.

In fact, after a moment of thought, she realised she hadn't shopped with any of her previous boyfriends. None of them gave much thought to matching outfits and colour coordination.

None of them had this kind of budget either. Barba not once looked at a price tag.

Observing her surroundings, she felt like she was exploring new territory. The shopping experiences of the wealthy: minimalistic displays, gentle piano music and staff that spent their time perfectly folding polo shirts.

His voice calling out from behind the curtain caught her attention,

"Do you think I need to try a size smaller?"

Benson strolled over, pulled the curtain aside and slipped in to see.

He stood shirtless, fiddling with the button on his pants. Admittedly, they hung loosely attempting to grip his waist.

"Turn around," she instructed him, needing to see how lose they were from the back.

He obliged and she winced. She had seen his back several times before but he usually did not purposely show her.

Strips and streaks of raised off-pink scarred skin scattered Barba's back. Whips? She always wondered but never asked.

"Too loose for a belt or suspenders?"

Benson was distracted, gently stroking the puckered lines across his back. Fingers tenderly caressing his forever warm skin.

"Liv," he whispered shakily.

"Sorry," she replied quickly, retrieving her hand hesitantly. She didn't want to though. She could stroke his skin for hours feeling the warmth under the pads of her fingertips.

Pulling slightly at the very loose hem of his pants she chuckled,

"A little bit big, Mr Polo Ralph Lauren."

He swivelled around at that comment, face blushing pink as he pulled the pants high enough to hide his boxers,

"Would you mind getting me the lower size?"

Benson nodded and swept the curtain shut behind her. Barba was never self-conscious about her seeing him in his underwear but his back…

He always avoided attention on his back.

Black stockings greeted her with a stiff smile back at the table of pants folded too neatly.

Benson accepted her offer of help and allowed her to find the smaller size.

"I'm surprised his regular size didn't fit," she blurted out without hesitation.

Benson was taken aback. How did 'black stockings' know his regular size?

"Must be the fit. He's use to most of his clothes being tailored," Benson replied smoothly.

Black stockings nodded in agreement and handed over the pants,

"These should fit," she smiled.

Benson thanked her. What had possessed her? She had never been even slightly possessive of boyfriends in the past. What was it about Barba that made her insides curl any time a female showed any attention of engagement with him?

He was charming. He was intelligent. She had seen the looks women had given him before they were together: eyes roaming his suit-fitted body and intimidated by his confidence.

By the time she returned, Barba had a shirt on and looked like he was waiting for her.

"Liv," he said softly, his left hand reaching for the pants and his right gently grasping her forearm, "I'm sorry about before…I know I have a few scratches on my back…"

"Barba," Benson cut him off firmly, "those are not scratches, they are scares from what looks like…"

Barba turned away to lean against the mirror. The fitting room of a clothing store was not the place to have this conversation.

"…a whip," she whispered so quietly she wasn't sure if he heard.

He'd pulled on the pants by this point and fiddled with the button,

"It was my father's belt," he stated matter of factly.

Benson nodded and looked down. This wasn't the right time or place.

"Those fit better," she observed.

 **Later that evening**

Barba stood at the edge of the bed looking fairly expressionless,

"I think you've already seen everything," he stuttered as he undid the final buttons of his shirt.

Benson turned the light off so only lamplight left a glow over the room,

"We don't have to do this if you're not comfortable…" she assured him.

He shrugged and looked down,

"I've seen your scars up close so…"

"You know it doesn't work like that, right?"

Barba nodded and slowly shrugged the shirt of his shoulders signalling her the green light.

Benson paused halfway between the door and the bed and prepared herself.

Being in SVU for over eighteen years she had seen some pretty awful shit. But it was never this intimate. Never this close to home. Their first night together she had found a couple of the scars on his back but it was nearly dark and he had shrugged her off every other time.

She watched him, back to her in his pants and socks, waiting as if for the school principal.

Composing herself with a deep breath, she walked over to meet him.

His back rose and fell with shallow breaths. Reaching slowly, she ran her fingers over the lowest visible scar – about an inch above the waistband of his briefs and left of his spine. It was smaller than the others, a stray?

Slipping one hand to his waist to steady themselves, Benson lowered herself to place a gentle kiss on the previously torn skin.

His breathing slowed.

" _Please, dad…please stop…" he sobbed._

" _This is for you, boy. Breathe out and take the pain."_

 _His arms buckled at the blow – steel of the belt buckle striking his back rib cage._

 _Spit sprayed out of his mouth, hitting the wall he held himself up against._

" _Take it like a man, boy. This giving you thick skin. Don't cry. Breathe."_

 _A groan slipped from his mouth followed by a cry for God._

"Are you okay?" Benson whispered, noticing his sudden increased pace in breathing. What was he thinking? Was she opening old wounds?

To her surprise, he responded cheerfully,

"I'm okay," he chuckled softly, "It was all such a long time ago."

Benson smiled weakly,

"I'm not exactly kissing it all better…"

"You are," he cut her off with a whisper.

She continued quietly, making her way up his back giving attention to every scar - alternating between open mouthed kisses and light feathery pecks.

Both were quiet for a while.

Once Benson attended his final scar, a hooked shape slice residing on his upper shoulder blade, she wrapped her arms around to his chest in an embrace. Resting her head against his back, she could hear the faint thud of his heartbeat.


	25. Chapter 25

Barba watched the clinking of drinks and laughter through the doorframe. Quiet drinks at the bar were more his forte but he was willing to make exceptions.

"You going in, Barba?" Rollins interrupted his thoughts with a nudge.

He smiled quickly and glanced at his watch,

"Yeah, Liv's just in the bathroom."

"Of course," she smiled taking a sip of her drink,

"Hey, congratulations by the way…she told me about your engagement."

Barba did not have time to respond before Carisi slipped in behind Rollins with an outstretched hand,

"Congratulations, Barba. You and the Lieu make a lovely couple."

Barba shook his hand firmly feeling slightly uncomfortable,

"Thanks, Carisi."

It was not that he was ashamed of their relationship. Never. It had always been something so very private. So very separate from everyone else.

"So, any plans for the wedding yet?"

"Carisi…" Rollins rolled her eyes.

Barba rolled his also and turned to walk away.

As he did, Rollins was in earshot telling Carisi off as they wandered back into the party.

Barba paused shortly to adjust his suit jacket and check his phone.

Then he saw her.

Exiting the ladies room balanced on black heels, hugged by a dark violet dress and wrapped in a black coat.

He could not help the smile spreading across his face as their eyes met and she strolled towards him with a slight sway of her hips.

Barefoot they were eye to eye. Any heel gave her a good inch or so over him not that he was bothered.

"Hey," she whispered first, "How you doing, handsome?"

Barba smiled shyly and looked down briefly before meeting her eyes,

"Waiting for my future wife."

Benson bit her lip lightly attempting to hide a smile,

"She's a lucky woman."

"She's spectacular. I'm the lucky one."

Benson could not help a laugh slip at that one,

"You really are something."

Barba closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around her torso to lock her firmly to him,

"I have an idea," he whispered low as if they were going to be in trouble. He was always the one with the idea.

Her eyes perked with interest. Anything would be more interesting than the department party.

"How about I get us an UBER and I show you a surprise I have for you?" he was still whispering.

Benson bit her lip and smiled warmly,

"Okay," she barely whispered back, "I hate parties."

He nodded and kept her gaze while taking back his arm and digging for his phone.

Barba guided her with a gentle hand on her back out to the street and to their car.

Not bothering with seatbelts, they moulded to each other immediately – his arm draped around her and her hand rested on his thigh.

He had subtly handed the driver their destination on a neatly folded napkin while she had slid onto the seat.

"Where are we going?" Benson questioned him almost immediately.

Barba laughed and kissed her tenderly on the lips as if to silence her.

She got the message and rested her head on his chest while she watched them make their way through the shiny lights of the city.

The journey passed quickly for the two lovers whispering and feeling each other up lightly.

They stopped abruptly at a tall brightly-lit modern building.

To Benson's surprise, a doorman greeted them with a nod at the door into the lobby.

She knew him far too well to ask questions.

He hated questions.

Barba watched himself in the elevator mirror realising he was nervous. Part of him began questioning what he had prepared for her.

He had given her numerous surprises before but this was different.

The sound of the elevator welcoming them to their floor grabbed his attention.

"Are you okay?" she enquired.

He smiled warmly and nodded, pulling her by the hand along a wide hallway scare with doors.

Reaching a wide wooden door, Barba swiftly lifted a key from his pocket and paused.

"I was not going to show you this until it was furnished but I…I just could not wait…"

"Barba…" she warned as he unlocked the door and gently opened and stepped aside for her to lead the way.

Benson took a step forward and could not believe what was in front of her.

Barba silently thanked God the doorman remembered his request to turn the lights on before their arrival.

An apartment.

Their apartment.

Benson gasped as she took it all in. The room stretched from her feet passed a spacious living area to floor to ceiling glass windows overlooking the city.

An oversized shiny kitchen overwhelmed her but the large heater mimicking a blazing fireplace caught her attention.

"This is our apartment," Barba stated 'matter of factly'.

"Barba…" she whispered while stepping forward to take it all in.

He continued talking giving her space,

"Now we will need to furnish it obviously but you can help me with that if you like or I could get an interior designer…"

Benson reached down to take of her heels as the plush carpet called for bare feet.

"…The master bedroom, with an ensuite, is to the right of the living area…there are two biggish bedrooms upstairs so there is plenty of space for Noah and all his things…"

He paused when he heard a muffled sniff from her direction.

He turned to find her head in hands leaning against the window,

"Liv!" he walked over to her quickly doubting what he had done. Did she not like it? Was it too much?

"Liv…" he tried more softly as he pulled her in for a hug, "I didn't mean to overwhelm you…"

Benson pulled her head up revelling her swollen red eyes,

"No…No…these are happy tears, sweat heart. Happy tears…"

She reached to stroke his face gently with her fingers to convince him and his furrowed brow of concern.

"Worth leaving the party for?" He asked more seriously than intended.

She pretended to think for a moment and nodded with the biggest smile he had ever seen on her face.


End file.
